Page 138 of Everdoll

There was no point. By the time I realized, Mina’s smiles faded, the forests burned, and the dimensions disappeared. I was too late, far too late. She was already gone, and Raymond from another universe sent countless warnings for me to stay away from her. There was no cure for my soul now; I didn’t even deserve a single dose of it.

Perhaps living with this for eternity was my penance.

“Brother, what will you do now?”

“I’ll arrange a house for you. Don’t worry.”

“No need. My girl kept offering to me live with her. I was going to move in next month. It just became a little early.”

I flinched. Mina had also suggested it, saying that spending our lives in her room instead of this mansion wouldn’t be so bad. But I had chosen the name Loxton, choosing power to make Mina immortal, disregarding her innocent wishes. I truly was a creature who didn’t know how to love. My mother was so, so, so right. My other self was so right. Little Remi, too, was entirely right.

We can’t be human, Raymond. We’re too far from being one.

“I’m glad, Nelly. Please live your life in peace.”

“Brother…” Penelope’s hand found my arm, her grip soft but firm. “I’ll never forget you. If it weren’t for you, I’d be dead at the hands of my family. You saved me. You’re not as bad as you think. I hope you can find some peace, too.”

Never. I wanted to say that, but I only stroked Penelope’s hair with my non-metal arm. A few sparks flew toward us. Lesse’s mist grew thicker, making me shut my eyes again. Is there no mist, no wind to carry you back to me? Everything feels so futile. The glare from the sun domes flooded the street, and terror seized me. Diving into a dilapidated shack, I pressed myself against the shadows. I feared the light; the relentless clarity of sunny days.

I thought one day, when I fell asleep in eternity, you would be by my side, singing me a lullaby. Why did you have to make everything else, every light, meaningless and leave me alone with solitude?

A few hours after I called Johanna, blonde woman stepped into the shack. Her eyes swept the room with visible suspicion.

“So this is your new home? You could’ve put more effort into the decor.”

“I killed Sebastian.” Johanna lowered herself onto one of the boxes, her expression unreadable. “Fuck, I really did it.”

“Well, congratulations.”

“But… I’m only now coming to my senses. I don’t know what I did. I’m not even sure if I left anything that could trace back to me. Maybe you—”

“Well, you didn’t,” she cut in. “I checked. Did you use your metal arm for everything?” I gave a faint nod. “Well done. I saw the fire on my way here, and took a quick look inside the house. Camera footage is in my bag, no trace of you. But the field reporters were already there. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to give an interview.”

I let out a slow sigh. I had stopped thanking Johanna, after so many years of cleaning up one another’s messes, neither of us could keep track of who owed what. She was the only person I could call a friend. I didn’t exactly enjoy her company, and she felt the same. We never met unless it was necessary.

I wiped out the Loxton family and burned their century-old estate. I suppose that qualifies as necessary.

“But about your redhead? Will she like this?”

I swallowed hard. I hadn’t told her anything yet.

“We broke up.”

Johanna’s rarely changing facial expression showed a hint of surprise.

“You’re joking.”

“I wish I was.”

“How did you accept her leaving you?”

I sighed. She knew very well if there was ever a breakup, it would be Mina who initiated it. This girl knew more than even Sebastian, but I never was on guard with her. I began to tell her everything from start to finish, including how I had been messing with the device and the messages I had found. I spoke in a low voice for minutes on end, calm as if telling a fairy tale, but what I was describing was nothing but a nightmare.

It would have been better to die than to live through this.

“And you gave up on traveling to another dimension because…?” Johanna asked curiously, also a bit mockingly when I stopped mid-story.

“What difference does it make? No matter where I am, I’ll hurt her, I’ll destroy her, I…”