Page 13 of Gaze

“How far does a girl have to go before you notice her?!” Lisa said seductively, unbuttoning her shirt. I knew she wasn’t wearing a bra, but it doesn’t stop my mouth watering at the sight of her erect nipples against the crisp white linen.

I swing the chair round to face her; the sight is as erotic in person as it was though the glassy reflection. And this was mine, all mine if I wanted it, all I had to do was reach up and take it. But my body remains still.

“Where are you?” She whispered, searching my eyes for something, I couldn’t pinpoint. Her hands hovering over the last remaining buttons of her shirt.

“I’m right here” I gesture to the seat I am sitting in, the same one I have been sitting in all day.

“Your mind isn't. And when I want a woman, I want all of her,” She looked at me with her big doe eyes, pleading with me to see sense as she placed her hand on my good leg and squeezed. The touch felt foreign. I stood up awkwardly and walked over to the window, I was sure I saw movement in the bottom window before I turned to face her, and the nagging feeling was eating away at me.

“Jen - I’ll be honest with you; you are starting to scare me.” Lisa stood and followed me to the window, I didn’t respond. I was sure I saw movement in the window, and it made my pulse quicken.

“Jen did you hear what I said - your beginning to-”

“Shhh,” I peer out the window, I can see the women in their apartment, it’s the first time I have seen them clothed. They look to be about my age, the dark-haired one was wearing dark slacks and a shirt. More masculine in her demeanor. The blonde one is- my thoughts are cut off again by Lisa talking at me.

“If only you could SEE yourself” She was crying now, big welling tears falling onto her white linen, a stark contrast to her still visible breasts “Sitting around looking out a window to kill time is one thing, but what you are doing, the way you are doing it is-”

“I saved her, Lisa” I cut her off, I was sick of being told what I was doing was wrong, when I knew it was right, that I had done the right thing. “She would have died if I hadn’t seen her and called the police.”

“Saved who?” Lisa genuinely looked confused at me.

“Miss Prozac” I say, unsure how Lisa could possibly not know “The woman in the window who cut herself,”

“I have no idea who you are talking about” Lisa was starting to look frightened

“The woman on the ground floor!” I pointed to her window, all shut up and dark “I saw her trying to kill herself and I called the police and saved her.”

“Oh Jen” Lisa pleaded with me again, she reached out to touch me and thought better of it. Her hand awkwardly hovering in midair.

“Don't you see how silly you are being?” She started “We need to get you out of here, it’s not good for you.”

“How do you know what's good for me?” I shot back, anger plain in my voice “Lisa Freeman, the woman who never wears the same dress twice!” I roll my eyes and throw my hand in the air.

“Only because it’s expected of me!” She hissed back, I knew I had struck a nerve, but I didn't care.

“And you only ever do as is expected of you, right?” I shot back - unsure of where this argument was going.

“That’s not fair Jen, and you know it.” Her voice had an icy edge “I would give up anything for you - and you know that.”

It's true, deep down I did know that, that if I asked her too, she would give up everything she had to be with me. The thought only made me angrier when she wouldn't do the same for me right now.

“You are treating me like a child.” I throw back

“I am not” She folded her arms in defiance “I am trying to look after you, because I love you.”

“Maybe I don't want to be looked after.” I narrow my eyes at her “You come in here and judge me, like you have any idea what it’s like to be trapped in here all day and night-”

‘Then come with me!” she cut me off mid-sentence, it just makes my frustration flare again, she doesn't understand. “Come with me now and let me help you” she reaches her hands out to cup my face, but I slap them away. The fast movement makes me unsteady and I wince at the pain in my leg.

“Jen please.” She was begging now. I almost felt sorry for her.

“I think you should go.” I state flatly folding my arms over my chest, ignoring the red-hot pain in my leg.

“Jen please - I don't want us to end like this.” I ignore her and turn my attention back to the window, I search for the women again, but I can't see them, fuck. Anger blooms across my body. “Just go.” I snapped at her, not bothering to look round. I was frantically searching in the window for signs of the women, wondering if it was worth getting my camera closer for a better look.

“I’ll be back in a few days to collect my things.” Lisa was trying not to cry but I didn’t care.

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