Page 109 of Wildfire
“My dad has an addiction to gambling,” I say, not taking my eyes off the road. “Horses mainly, because it’s easy to do, but he loves casinos and poker. He left me sitting outside a casino in the car once for hours when I was younger. That’s when Mom realized he had a problem. He drinks, too, but it’s always because of the betting. Celebrate or commiserate kind of thing, y’know?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m embarrassed, and that’s why I didn’t want to tell you. What type of parent would pick a slip of paper over their kid? What does that say about me if I’m not even worth more than some shitty odds and a horse?” I can’t help but laugh. “I told you the horrible things he’s said to me. Those were times he was drunk or I wouldn’t send him money. When you hear something enough times, you begin to believe it, Rory. I didn’t want you to think the things about me that he does.”
“I could never,” she says instantly, rubbing the back of my neck with her palm. “Because they’re not true.”
“All I’ve wanted is for him to get better. When he turned up here that day we got caught and I told you he’d had a fight with my mom,he actually told me my mom had thrown him out. He said he was going to get better, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up that he would. When you told me what Ethan said, you’re right, I felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed because you finally knew. Because it’s what I’ve wanted for years. Because it doesn’t feel real. It’s like when you wish for something so much, but when you get it, it seems too good to be true. He’s let me down so frequently that I’m scared to trust that this is the time where things change.”
“You told me expecting change is like repeatedly putting your hand in a fire and expecting it not to burn you,” Aurora says. “I want to hold your hand so you don’t have to put it in the fire, Russ. Recovery isn’t easy for anyone, not just the addict; for you, too. It sounds like your dad has taken the step to try to get better, but nobody is going to force you to forgive him. I will physically fight your brother for you if he tries.”
“What if he burns you, too? My family is a mess.”
She laughs, and I swear her smile could fix anything. “Fire can’t burn fire. I will raze Maple Hills to the ground before he gets a chance to make you feel shitty about yourself again. Also, family mess? Hello? The poster child for daddy issues right here.”
I take her hand and press the back of it to my mouth. “You never have to feel embarrassed with me, Russ. Maybe the universe wasn’t trying to fuck us over. Maybe it knew we needed each other, because I do need you. You’re the best thing to happen to me, and more important, I want to be there for you through this in whatever way you want me to be.”
“I don’t even know what recovery entails. I don’t know what make amends even means. How the fuck is he going to do that? It’s been such a long time.”
“Why don’t we call your brother so you can hear it from him, and anything we don’t understand I can google? I won’t even call him an asshole.”
“Thank you, Aurora.”
She leans over and kisses my cheek. “Thank you for not making me sit here in silence for four hours.”
IWALK INTO MY BEDROOMhand in hand with Rory and instantly get déjà vu.
That Russ, the one who was pretending to be confident, would not have believed that this would be the situation we’re in a couple of months later. Not one to dance around the obvious, Aurora struts straight around me and sits on my desk.
“Wanna role play us doing it?” I roll my eyes as I walk over and step between her legs, gripping her under her thighs and throwing her onto my bed, making her squeak. “Hey, you weren’t this rough with me!”
“Yeah ’cause I was fucking terrified,” I say, throwing myself down beside her. “I don’t get girls like you and I was very worried I’d watch you come and it’d be game over for me. In my pants.”
“Confident you could then,” she says, teasing, rolling to lie on top of me. “How’d you know I wasn’t faking it?”
“I’d have suffocated between your legs before I’d let you fake it.”
The guys are at JJ’s for the housewarming party, and after the day I’ve had, I think taking out my stress in a healthy way is a good idea. I spread her legs over my hips and run my hands along her thighs until I’m under her sundress, then her cell phone starts ringing.
“Are we destined to be interrupted forever?” I groan. “I thought this would end when we left Honey Acres.”
“You know who it’ll be,” she says, climbing off me and reaching for the phone. She holds up her screen to me and the caller ID reads Man Who Pays the Rent.
We haven’t really talked about the fact Aurora is supposed to bein Palm Springs right now. I was too distracted with my own problem, and I guess she didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t have anything to add when she said that he’s never punished her before.
She presses the accept call button and puts it on speaker, but even before she says hello, she does something I haven’t seen her do in weeks: she forces a smile onto her face.
“Hi!” Her voice is unnatural, not the voice of my girl, and I hate it.
“Where the fuck are you, Aurora?”
Six words and my blood is boiling.
“I’m not coming, Dad.” She chews on the inside of her cheek and I pull her along the bed, letting her sit between my open legs with my head resting on her shoulder. “Something came up, I’m sorry.”
“That doesn’t answer my question. I asked where the fuck are you?”
“I’m in Maple Hills.”
