Page 188 of Untying the Knot
Ryot—looking as unsure as ever—walks into the room and leans against the wall, keeping a good distance from us both.
“You know, I think he looks hotter. Have you grown more muscles?” Nichole asks.
“Protein bars,” he mumbles, knowing he’s in the crossfire of Nichole and me. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s witnessed such an event, and he’s returning to old behaviors. Say as little as possible.
“Well, I’m sure my dear friend Myla over here has been taking advantage of the hard work of those protein bars, hasn’t she?”
“Nichole, just stop,” I say in an annoyed tone.
“Why?” she asks. “You said everything was fine between you two, so why can’t I ask?”
Ryot glances at me, and I look away because I know he has the truth on the tip of his tongue. The only question is, will he say anything?
“Anyone going to fill me in on how married life is? Any news? I mean, I know he signed the divorce papers, but I know you haven’t, Myla.”
I wince as Ryot’s head snaps toward me. “You haven’t signed them?” he asks.
“It slipped by me,” I say.
“It’s because she still loves you,” Nichole says.
“Nichole,” I snap at her.
“What?” she asks. “Why wouldn’t you tell the man you love that you have an undying affection for him? Isn’t that what love is all about? Unless . . . oh, I see, you’re trying to push him away because you’re scared of abandonment, right?” Her sarcastic tone is starting to really grate on me. “IfIleave you, that means he’s the last one left, and you wouldn’t be able to take that kind of heartache, right? You might as well cut ties with him now. Might as well move back here like you planned all along and leave him in California so you don’t have to suffer through the possibility of losing him too.”
“You know what? Fuck you, Nichole,” I say as I start to head toward the exit, but Ryot steps in my way. “Ryot, move.”
“No,” he says in a stern voice. “I’m not going to let you just walk out because you’re not happy about what’s going on.” He lifts my chin so I’m forced to look him in the eyes. “Tell me, were you planning on moving to Chicago this whole time?” My eyes flit away, but he tugs on my chin, bringing me back to him. “Tell me the truth, Myla.”
“I . . . don’t know,” I say as tears well up in my eyes. “Yes, that’s where I was headed, but then everything in Napa happened, and I just . . . I don’t fucking know. Okay?”
“But you still love him,” Nichole says.
“Do you?” he asks, his voice soft. I expect him to be angry and ready to fly off the deep end from what Nichole has been saying. Instead, he’s steady, even-keeled, and I think that’s more nerve-wracking than anything.
I wet my lips and look away again.
“Look at me when you answer,” he says, controlled.
I take a deep breath, and I meet his gaze. “Of course I still love you, Ryot.”
“But are you in love with me?” he asks. It feels like the beeping of the machines quiet, and the hustle around us settles as he waits on an answer.
“Don’t lie to him,” Nichole says from her bed.
I roll my teeth over the corner of my mouth as my heart beats wildly. And because of his grip on my jaw and chin, I can’t look away. All I can rely on are my bubbling emotions as tears cloud my eyes.
“Yes,” I answer. “I’m in love with you.” His shoulders visibly relax as he lets go of my chin. “But that doesn’t mean anything,” I add.
His brow furrows. “What do you mean that doesn’t mean anything? It means everything.”
“No, it doesn’t. We’re going in different directions, Ryot.”
“Myla, don’t be stupid,” Nichole says from the bed. “You’re not moving here.”
“Yes, I am,” I say while stepping away from Ryot. “I’m not leaving you alone here. As much as I might be mad at you, that doesn’t mean I’m going to leave you to fend for yourself. For fuck’s sake, Nichole, you passed out and had no one to help you. I refuse to let you do this by yourself. You’re only going to become weaker and weaker, and you’ll need someone to drive you to appointments. Not to mention”—I motion toward Ryot—“you’re starting a new job with ESPN that requires you to be in California. So yeah, I might love you, but that means nothing.”
“I’m not taking the job,” Ryot says.
