Page 96 of Niccolaio Andretti (The Five Syndicates)
“Still a kiddo even when you’re thirteen times that age,” I remind her, though it’s half-hearted.
I’m distracted by my thoughts of Niccolaio.
“What’s wrong?” Mina asks, perceptive as ever, and I’m reminded that she’s about to turn thirteen and will be in high school in the blink of an eye.
I open my mouth to tell her, but the words die in my throat. Sometimes I wish I could tell her about these things, like I would if we had a normal sibling relationship, but we don’t. I’m both her sister and her mother, and this means there are lines of propriety that need to be drawn between us. And that includes not talking to her about my stupid boy troubles.
And apparently, Mina has picked up on this, because it’s her turn to frown. “Why do you always do this?”
“Do what?”
“Keep things from me. Things that I know you want to say.”
“I—I don’t do it on purpose.”
Her face falls. “Yes, you do.”
“I just… You’re my sister, Mina, and I love you. I don’t want to burden you with my problems.”
There’s a shocking flash of anger on her face. “Like I do to you?”
“What?! Where is this coming from? You’re not a burden, Mina. Never,” I say emphatically, meaning it.
But Mina’s head is already turned, her attention on someone else. My face sours when I hear Erica’s voice in the background. It sours even more when I see Mina’s face light up to whatever Erica is saying.
It hurts. More than I’d like to admit. Deep down, I know it’s petty to resent the fact that Erica can make Mina happy. I should be happy that Mina is happy, but I can’t help it. As Mina’s social worker, Erica played a huge role in taking Mina from me, and I can’t ever forgive that.
I don’t want to ever forgive that.
I close my eyes, not wanting to witness Erica making Mina happy while I’m pretty much useless—unable to visit Mina and unable to do anything to cheer Niccolaio up. I sink into self-pity, hating myself for being this type of person but unwilling to change. Not when it means the alternative—taking responsibility for my role in how messed up my life is.
“You hate Erica. Don’t you?” Mina says, her words startling me.
I’m glad my eyes were closed.
After I reign in my shock, I open my eyes, sigh, and say, “I… yeah.”
I don’t want to lie to Mina anymore.
She deserves the truth.
“She’s not a bad person. I like her.”
“You told me you hate her.”
“I was eight, and they had just taken me from you.”
“And now?” I soften my voice. “You’re not a burden to me. Never.”
“I know what you do.”
“W-what?”
“You’re with yucky men, because you think you need money to get me out of here, but you don’t need to get me out of here.”
My jaw drops, and I’m taken aback. “W-what? How? Who told you this? I don’t d—”
“Minka,” she says, stopping me with her tone. On her face is a somber expression a twelve year old girl has no business having. “You don’t have to do this.”
