Page 88 of Gamebreaker

"For what it's worth," I said quietly, "if circumstances were different—if you were out, or I was okay with hiding, or literally anything else—I would have let you unzip those jeans completely and let you touch me right here on this counter. I would have begged you to."

Her jaw clenched tight I thought it might break. "Don't. Please don't say things like that."

"Why not?"

"Because it makes this so much harder. Because knowing you want me that much but we can't have it—" She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them again, those amber eyes burning with fire. "It's killing me, Harper. Standing here, pretending I'm okay with just being friends when all I want is to put you back onto that counter and finish what we started. When all I want is to take you home and spend the entire night learning every sound you make. When all I want is you."

My throat felt too tight. My eyes were burning. "Cam—"

"But I can't have that. I can't have you. Not the way I want. Not the way we both want. So I'm going to respect your boundaries, even if it destroys me. I'm going to be your friend even if it kills me. Because that's what you need. And what you need matters more than what I want."

Tears were burning behind my eyes. "What I need is hurting you."

"And what I can't give you is what’s hurting you. So I guess we're even."

"This is so fucked up."

"Completely."

I walked to the door, my legs barely holding me up. My whole body hurt. From stopping, from wanting, from knowing I couldn't have her. I turned back one last time.

Cam was leaning against the counter, her head bowed, her hands gripping the edge so hard her knuckles were white again. She looked crushed. Broken. Like I'd just taken something precious from her and shattered it.

Like she was barely holding herself together.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Me too."

I left the kitchen before I could change my mind. Before I could go back to her and say fuck the boundaries, fuck the consequences, fuck everything that wasn't her hands on me.

I said my goodbyes to everyone with what I hoped was a believable excuse about a headache, which wasn't even a lie, my whole body hurt from stopping, hugged Mia goodbye while avoiding her eyes, and made it to my car before I started crying.

I sat in the driver's seat, my hands on the steering wheel, and let myself feel everything I'd been holding back.

We were both in pain. Both wanting each other. Both unable to bridge the gap between what we wanted and what we could actually have.

My phone buzzed.

Cam

I'm sorry. For losing control and touching you like that when I knew we couldn't finish it. For making this harder.

Harper

Don't apologize. I wanted it. I wanted all of it.

Cam

I know. That makes it worse.

Harper

Are you okay?

Three dots appeared. Disappeared. Appeared again.

Cam