Page 58 of Lick

Yanking open the fridge, I find the leftovers. After a moment of hesitation, I think fuck it. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? I might not even be here to eat it if I’m at the hospital with Lick.

“Decision made,” I announce to the empty room as I grab the food and shove it in the microwave. While that heats up, I head over to the TV and put on the crime channel.

When there is a knock at the door, I freeze for a minute because nobody visits me this late at night. But then I figure it’s likely to do with Lick and hurry over to answer it, heart in my throat. I spend a second checking the spy hole, because I’m worried but not dumb, and freeze again. This time it has nothing to do with Lick.

I unlock and pull the door open to my daughter’s tearstained face. “Sophie? What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t know where else to go.” She hiccups as I take a step back and let her inside. She hurries in and heads to the sofa, throwing herself down onto it dramatically like she would as a teenager. I’m hit with a wave of nostalgia so hard I have to grip the doorknob to stop myself from falling over.

I’ve spent so many months pretending that my kids’ absence and disdain hasn’t bothered me when it did. How can it not? Every day they haven’t reached out has chipped away at another layer of my resolve, until I question if all this really was my fault like my ex said. And if I truly loved my kids, I’d have stayed with their father and honoured my vows, even if he didn’t.

I grit my teeth, refusing to let the insidious thoughts take root. Walking over to her, I wait for her to speak, but she just keeps crying.

“Sophie, you have to tell me what’s wrong. I can’t help you otherwise.”

“Daddy said he’s going to cut me off.”

I blink, take a deep breath before blowing it out again. “Why? How does your catching him cheating equate to you being cut off? Unless…Is he blackmailing you to keep quiet?”

“No. I don’t owe Tiffany anything, she doesn’t even like me. Besides, she made her bed, so she can sleep in it. I don’t understand why women who date the person who’s cheating on their partner are surprised when he then cheats on them. No, this isn’t about Toby.”

I shake my head. “I’m so confused. Who is Toby?”

“Toby is the guy who Daddy set me up with from his work, but he’s such a douche canoe. All he cares about is impressing Dad. All he talks about is Dad. I’m pretty sure if Dad were open to dating him, he’d have dumped me in a heartbeat. I just beat him to it. I told Dad I’m not interested and why, and he blew up at me, said I was acting like a child, and that I was old enough now to need to be securing my future. He said Toby was one of his boss’s sons and would make a good husband for me if I could stop acting like—” Her words cut off as red stains her cheeks.

“If you could stop acting like me.”

“Yeah,” she whispers, embarrassed. “So, I told him to kiss my ass, and here I am.”

“Good girl. I’m proud of you for standing your ground.”

She stops crying and looks at me. “You are?”

“Soph, I’ve always been proud of you. When you succeed, when you fail, and every time you keep on trying. You might be a lot of things, honey, but you aren’t a quitter. That’s why you’re pissed at me, right? Because I quit my marriage?”

She looks down as she sits up and wrings her hands together in her lap. “I thought our family was special. Everyone I knew had divorced parents, but mine were the real deal. You always seemed so happy. The perfect mom and wife, and then after Dad made one mistake, you wanted to throw away the whole marriage? I didn’t get it. Marriage was supposed to be for better and for worse, and at the first sign of trouble, you bailed and I⁠—”

She shakes her head, looking up at me with fresh tears in her eyes. “I only saw it through my eyes. To me, you were a mum and a wife. I forgot you were a woman outside of that, too. One with hopes and dreams and feelings that we trampled all over. I’m so sorry. I’ve been sorry. I just didn’t know how to tell you. I was too ashamed to face you, and then this happened, and I just knew, even if you hated me, you’d still let me in.”

I sigh and move closer. “I’ve never hated you. I’ve been sad, and I’ve been disappointed, but hate never entered the equation.”

“God, I think that makes it worse. You should hate me. I hate me.” She looks up, and her eyes stall on my stomach as I’m about to sit. “Oh my god, you’re pregnant?”

I hold my hands to my bump. “So that’s what this is. And here I was thinking I was having an allergic reaction to something.”

“You didn’t tell me.” I can hear the hurt in her voice, but I don’t let it weigh me down.

I smooth my hand across her hair and wait until her eyes meet mine again. I don’t try to soften the blow, but I do gentle my voice. “I didn’t think you’d care.”

It’s the look of shame that quickly spreads across her face that tells me that maybe there’s hope for us yet. “I’m here now, and I’m listening,” she whispers.

I take the seat next to her and lift my arm. She doesn’t hesitate to lay her head on my shoulder. I smooth my hand over her hair and kiss the crown of her head.

“I met a man.”

“I assumed that’s how this story would begin.”

I snort, relaxing into the moment.