Page 64 of Emeric

“I go in then. When I’m not, I’m with you two. I love my hotel, but it doesn’t need to be my entire life.” Before this shit happened, when I had to temporarily live here, it was my life. Being in this building with Oleander and Sylvan put a lot into a different light, a lot I hadn’t thought about before.

Life wasn’t only about working. It was for me when I had nothing and no one else occupying my time. Now I did. They were worth changing my life for. They didn’t need to ask me. I’d do it without hesitation. Was it love? I couldn’t imagine going back to what it was like without them. Even when I wasn’t with them, I wanted to be. So yes, it most likely was love. I wasn’t ready to voice that yet.

“I can do this, right?” Sylvan asked. “I can make the change.”

“Of course,” Oleander and I said at the same time. He gave me a beautiful grin after.

“Thank you both for being here for me. I’m sorry I left before. I didn’t know what to do or how to process what was happening.”

“Next time, if you want to turn to us, we’ll be here,” I said. I wasn’t going to tell him it didn’t hurt when he left. It did more than I could admit. Seeing someone I cared about deeply walk away like they couldn’t talk to me wasn’t a good feeling, but I was learning how Sylvan dealt with his emotions when shit got tough. He’d been single a long time, just like me. We were bound to say or do something that didn’t go over well. The important part was that we talked about it afterward.

“We won’t be able to start looking for a home for you, Syl, until this other shit is resolved,” Oleander stated, bringing us back to the problem at hand. Like Sylvan couldn’t live in a bubble, neither could we. Someone was still out there targeting us. I hated every second of that threat, but I didn’t regret how it brought the three of us closer together.

“That’s good. It gives me time to accept it and start thinking about what I’d like in a new place. I don’t need Jordan to pay for it though. I have my own money. Unless he wants the new home to be another safe house. I don’t mind if it is. I always felt secure there, plus it gave me something to do when the shit hit the fan. It’s not like I can arm up and fight.”

“You can shoot. I taught you.”

“Yes, but I’m not about to go out and fight someone or do what you and the others do.”

“Fair enough.”

“You’ll get to where you’re meant to be,” I told Sylvan. “We all will.”

29

OLEANDER

My stomach was in knots. The food on my plate, which I would usually devour, sat there going from one side to the other as I pushed it with my fork.

A sharp kick to my shin from Sheldon brought my head up. My eyes latched on to my mom’s. It wasn’t the first time in our lives we’d kicked one another to get the other’s attention. I offered her a small smile, apologizing for not listening to what was said. I was too focused on what was going on with the men I was in a relationship with, which was not much, and what would happen in the future.

“Ollie, what’s wrong?” my mom asked.

Sighing, I put my fork down and gripped the paper napkin, tearing it into tiny pieces. It was easier to focus on that than look at her. My mom always knew, but sometimes she waited me out until I was ready to talk. The kick from Sheldon meant she was done and wanted me to speak. I didn’t mind. My parents meant the world to me.

“Everything’s a mess,” I muttered. “Sylvan’s unhappy because he has no home to go back to and isn’t sure he’ll feel comfortable in a new place like he did where he was living. Emeric is at his hotel during the day, but even when he returns at night, he sits at the table for a couple of hours, still working. And I don’t know where I belong when I’m not guarding Vail. It’s not that I don’t fit with them; it’s more like, where will I be when everything is resolved? They’ll go their separate ways, and I’ll still be in the same spot. I don’t think I’ll lose them, but as Sylvan has expressed, how will it work?” I didn’t want to admit to him I wondered too. It was a valid thought, one we’d figure out, but it still left me unsettled. If I told Sylvan my doubts, I feared it would make his anxiety worse.

“Ollie, look at me.”

I raised my eyes again. My mom was one of the best people. She was empathetic and cared deeply for those around her. “It will work out. I need you to repeat that when you start thinking negatively. It’s not easy, but don’t put those bad thoughts out there. They’ll get you the opposite of what you want.”

“That doesn’t always work.” Well, it might if I always thought positively. I didn’t. Sometimes shit just sucked, and I couldn’t get my head in the right space to project what I desired.

This stuff came easier to some people. I still had my own doubts eating away at my confidence that things would turn out as they were supposed to.

“Has Emeric or Sylvan given you any indication they’re unhappy with you or your relationship? I don’t mean the situation you’re all in, but with what you have together.”

“No.” I pouted. I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t optimistic at the moment.

“Then knock this off. It’s unfounded. Why imagine scenarios that aren’t going to happen?”

I fought not to roll my eyes. It was easy for her to say. She wasn’t the one facing uncertainty. She was the voice of reason though. I didn’t want to dismiss her words. My mom didn’t say what she didn’t know or feel. She spoke from a place of knowledge and surety. Her spirit guides were always there for her to consult with. Over the years, she’d built a relationship with them that worked for her. People thought she was crazy. They hadn’t experienced what she had. They didn’t know what it was like to be her or part of her family.

“This chicken is amazing,” my dad said. “My appreciation and heartfelt thanks to the chef for creating this wonderful meal.”

My mom turned her attention to him with a smile. “It was nothing.”

My dad shot me a wink when she wasn’t looking. A happy man who didn’t like to argue or fight in any way, he’d gotten very good at diffusing situations when Sheldon or I didn’t want to continue the conversation with my mom. For her part, she didn’t forget. At a point in the not-so-distant future, she would revisit this with me, even if she just said she was right. I lived for that moment. It meant my worries were for nothing, and I was loving life with the two men who meant so much to me.