Page 21 of Out Of The Ashes

"Stop second-guessing it. I'm telling you, it's perfect," Jasmine says from the chair in the corner of my room.

I try to clamp down the nerves kicking my butt. Because like it or not, Jas had gotten under my skin with that afraid-of-men comment. Mainly because I can't deny it with any real truth.

Yup, I'm that woman. Walking through life eyeing the men eyeing me and categorizing them by levels of danger. Will he verbally abuse me? Emotionally abuse me? Hit me? Drug me? Rape me? Drug me and rape me? Where does he fall on the Thad scale of horrors?

Jasmine insisted on dressing me for my date. Now as the clock ticks closer to Sully's arrival, my anxiety increases, but I refuse to cancel.

Jas is right that I've lived in fear too long. Fear has become my safe space, and it is time to break the chains and rise out of the ashes of my past like a phoenix. To move forward. Finally.

I need to prove to myself and my family and friends that I am still whole. Still me. A new, much more cynical and traumatized me, yes, but me all the same.

I smooth my hand over the dress and take a shuddery breath. Jasmine fitted me with sheer black-over-flesh colored tights to combat the cold evening air and a flirty, dark maroon sweater dress. To that, she's added soft suede thigh-high boots and a lined black leather jacket that fits me like it was made for me. The outfit is suitable for both Sully’s truck or the back of his bike.

Jas curled my hair while I put on makeup. Then she'd added a bit more makeup, darkening my eyeshadow and mascara for a smokey look I can't quite believe is me.

"You look gorgeous, Vi. Sully won't know what hit him," Jasmine says.

I pluck at the dress, noting my fingertips are about an inch longer than the hem. I wear faux leather shorts beneath in case the dress rides up, but as I stand staring at my reflection, they aren’t visible. "It's too much. Too short for a dinner between friends."

"There's no reason you can't look hot. Just relax, have a drink. Tell stupid stories and flirt. Think of Sully as practice if it helps calm the nerves."

I hear the sound of a vehicle in the driveway and see the flash of lights through my bedroom windows.

"Breathe," Jas says. "You've totally got this."

"I don't think I do."

"It's just Sully. Come on," she says.

Jasmine turns me toward the door with a gentle but firm shove and grabs the leather coat off my bed as we pass.

"Let's not keep the gorgeous man waiting."

Jasmine doesn't give me time to argue. She leads me straight to the door and gives me one last you've-got-this look before she swings it wide.

I get my first look at Sully, and the moment our gazes collide, I'm pretty sure the world stops spinning. He's more dressed up than I've ever seen him, other than when he's in his work uniform.

A brown pea coat highlights his whiskey-burnt eyes and is layered over a cream button-down shirt that brings out his dark complexion, and his long legs are clad in dark-wash jeans above expensive-looking boots.

"Well, look at you," Jasmine says. "You clean up good, Sully. Doesn't he, Vi?"

When I don't respond and Sully and I continue to just stand there staring at each other, I get an elbow from Jasmine.

"Uh, yeah. You, um, look nice."

I am painstakingly aware of Sully's gaze doing a full sweep of my body before he meets my eyes once again. His is warm with blatant male appreciation.

I want to squirm and pivot away from the things I see, but I remind myself of the goal for the evening, square my shoulders and lift my chin. Jas is right. I've allowed my ex to keep me stuck in fear for too long. Time to woman up, and going on one date with Sully as a friend is a good start.

A safe start.

And maybe if I keep telling myself that, I'll eventually believe it.

"You look gorgeous. These are for you."

"Oh," I say softly as he shifts, revealing the hand holding a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers wrapped in pretty red tissue and tied with a gold bow. "They're gorgeous."

"And her favorite," Jasmine says, approval in her tone.