Page 235 of Where We Stay

Like nothing happened here.

I stand at the bottom of the porch steps, staring at the front door. For one brief second, I consider turning around and going back to G.

Then anger replaces the fear.

No.

He doesn’t get this too.

I climb the steps and unlock the door. The frame has been patched with fresh wood where Dean came crashing through it, but it still sticks when I push it open.

The first thing I notice is the broken lamp.

The second is the blood.

Mine or his, I don’t know.

I stand in the doorway, unable to move. This place was mine. The first thing I chose entirely for myself.

And Ben came in here and tried to make it his too.

I force myself to walk farther into the room, taking in the space around me.

My home.

It still is my home.

It just feels tainted now.

Then my eyes land on the fridge.

Aspen’s sunflower is still there. Crooked, bright and completely untouched.

Something in my chest loosens.

Ben didn’t take my home.

He didn’t take the people I love.

Most importantly, he didn’t take me.

I think back to my conversation with Knox.

People knowing someone hurt you and people understanding what it actually feels like are two very different things.

I spent years keeping that part of myself locked away because I was ashamed. Ashamed of someone else’s actions. Ashamed of someone else’s shitty behavior, as if any of it belonged to me.

I refuse to feel like that anymore.

I pull out my phone. My hand still shakes slightly as I unlock it, but for once, I’m not searching for messages from an unknown number.

I search for a therapist.

Forty Seven

Dean

Aspen comes flying at me before I’ve even shut the front door.