Page 82 of Solivagant

I’d wanted Jo to remember first. I wanted him to understand and to choose me again before I changed him. But there wasn’t time. I couldn’t risk his condition getting worse. I’d noticed his light flickering, his soul weakening. But then he would recover and his light would steady once more. He was too damaged this time.

My hand reached for his, and his fingers threaded between mine. His grasp was weak.

My other hand smoothed the hair from his face, offering him a moment of soft intimacy and comfort. Because I had to do what was necessary to save him, and there wasn’t time to explain why.

With our fingers laced, I brought his hand to my mouth and softly kissed the back of it.

He smiled at me. I hoped he would still smile at me like that after I did what needed to be done.

“I don’t feel good, Tusks.”

No. He wouldn’t. Because he was dying. Unless I changed him, he would certainly die.

I couldn’t wait.

I didn’t.

My fingers held his tight as I pulled his arm toward me, and my teeth sunk into his flesh.

He screamed, trying to pull his arm away from me. I whimpered, but I couldn’t let him. I didn’t know how deep the bite had to be for it to work. I stopped when my teeth hit bone.

I was hurting him. I didn’t want to hurt him. I never wanted to hurt him. But I had to if I was going to save him.

“Why?” he cried, and my heart cried along with him.

I released him, and he yanked his arm away from me. He clutched the bleeding, bitten flesh to his chest.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

I tried to reach for him again, but he flinched away. He was so weak, but he used all his strength to kick at the ground to get away from me.

Would it still work if I healed him now? Could I ease the hurt I’d caused?

I moved closer.

“NO!” he yelled. “Stay away from me!”

My hands twitched at my sides. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to comfort him, I wanted to help him understand.

I needed to speak to him.

Jo used the wall to push himself up inch by inch. When he was finally standing, he almost fell again. I reached for him and again he flinched away from me. My heart ripped in my chest. I never wanted him to be afraid of me.

“Why?” he asked again. He sounded so confused. So hurt. So broken. “Was it because I came to this place, when you told me not to?”

I whined and shook my head. No. I would never hurt him as a punishment. Didn’t he know that?

He groaned. Clutching his wounded arm tighter.

“Stay away from me, Tusks.” His tone was so cold now.

This time when he stood and started walking, he didn’t stumble. He stepped over the rubble. And continued onward without me.

I wanted to follow him. I wanted to stay here with Jem, and cover him again with the flowers to keep the piece of him I still had safe. I just wanted to keep them both safe.

Why did it feel like I couldn’t protect either?

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