Page 28 of Solivagant

All of it because of me. Because I had broken a love that was left with no place to rest, and no hope of ever being returned again. His grief was stubborn and overwhelming. He grieved the same way he loved his human—with everything he had.

I was so wrong. I could never have comprehended their bond. I sobbed and continued to crush the orb in my hand. I let it strip me of my defenses, let his hopelessness consume me. Because I had caused this, and so what else mattered?

Through Khorli’s pain, I experienced true love, and I experienced true loss.

When the light was no more, and my hand clenched around nothing, still I couldn’t find the strength to lift myself up from this filthy floor.

Her eyes were on me, and still I couldn’t bring myself to conceal what had been revealed to her. The fallen façade mattered less than the grief echoing through my chest like a curse.

“I misjudged you.” She spoke after a long silence. “The price is paid. I will deliver the soul back to Khorli. Give it to me.”

I didn’t speak as I reached for it, knowing exactly which of the glowing flowers had caused all the pain I’d just witnessed.

A scarred hand held it out to her, and her own scarred hand accepted it.

I was wrong. So wrong. I was still so weak, after all this time. After everything I’d done and everything I’d sacrificed, I was as weak as the pathetic child I’d once been.

“He’s going to kill me,” I told her, my voice quiet and hoarse.

“Probably.”

“Survive, Thalin. You have to survive.” Whispers from a ghost.

“I want to make another deal.”

“I’m listening.”

“That door was a Bridge, right? Can you make them?”

“For a price.”

“I want to forget, and I want to go somewhere he won’t ever find me.”

“Forget?”

“Khorli. Those feelings… and… my own. I want you to erase them, and put me somewhere I’ll never encounter any of it again.”

She made a pensive sound. “There’s something to be said for living with the consequences of your actions. Why should you get to escape?”

“You have to survive.”

“I have my reasons. Can you do it, or not?”

“I can, for a price.”

“Name it.”

“You will love again. Despite yourself. And that person will love you, truly. Not for your power or your beauty. Not because you’ve manipulated them into believing it. They will love you for what you hide, even from yourself. When I come to collect their soul, you will not stop me. You will not bargain. You will watch them go.”

“Love is weakness, Thalin.”

Weakness. My father was right. Love made me weak. Love gave me marks. Love blinded me to the shame of carrying them, to the point that I concealed all but the mark Khorli had given me, because it was all I had of him.

“Fine.”

It wouldn’t be a problem. Because despite what the witch may think, I was never falling in love again, and if I did, I deserved to lose it all.

While she worked, I allowed myself to take in my many scars, each one of them a reminder of my weaknesses. Of times I trusted and was proven wrong for it, over and over. From my father, from my mother. From failing to save my brother, and all those I trusted once I escaped.