Page 66 of Under Water

“Because if you figure it out, I’m not going to be able to lie to you. But I’ll be breaking my promise to him,” I whisper. “I don’t want to do that. I will tell you the moment he says it’s okay. Just give me more time. Please.”

He settles down, but he doesn’t look happy. “This is going to fuck me up, Easty. Now I’m going to be overanalyzing everything you do with everyone.”

“You’ll be distracted soon. Leo’s coming home tomorrow.”

He flops his arms up over his head. “I can’t fucking wait. I’m going to kiss his horrible, pretty little mouth for so long.”

I pinch his side until he yelps. “That is my brother, dude.”

He smiles and looks utterly unrepentant. “Don’t be a hater because I’m happy.”

My irritation softens. I do want him happy, and I want Leo happy. And for the first time in a long time, with Rune, I feel like I could be happy too.

I leave the station to go home and nap because Rune doesn’t want me over until Elio’s asleep. It stings, but I understand why. The kid is perceptive as fuck, and the last thing Rune needs is all those questions from his kid.

Especially while he’s in the middle of his divorce.

And there’s no telling if Neal is going to be an even bigger dickhead than he was at the apartment now that he can’t weasel his way out of the court date.

I end up pacing for a while, and then I force myself to try and take a nap, which doesn’t work, and all I do is stare at the ceiling as the sky outside gets darker and darker. The room feels small this way—and I don’t hate it, but it reminds me of how empty my life is.

I have a two-bedroom condo that used to be full when Leo was staying with me, but he moved out pretty quickly after he felt stable enough, and while I kept it made up for him, it’s obvious now he’s never coming back.

Which is good.

But it’s a reminder that even with this little secret—whatever Rune and I are to each other—there’s nothing stable in my life right now apart from my job.

And that kind of sucks.

If I had parents who gave a shit about me, I’d probably be calling them right now. But if I even tried, my mom would say, “Talk to your father,” and he’d grunt at me until I gave up and let them go.

It’s a rough thing to realize my parents are apathetic about my existence.

Eventually, I roll out of bed and shower so I can be squeaky-clean for whatever Rune has planned. I definitely wouldn’t mind being on my knees for him again. I’d tested my ability to deep-throat on a dildo last night and was happy to find that my gag reflex was next to nothing.

Then I tested the dildo on my ass, and I was pleased to note that I came so hard I saw stars once I found my prostate.

It makes me feel good about my chances for success when I finally bottom for Rune. I want him to like it. I want him to like me.

I want him to⁠—

BZZT BZZT BZZT BZZT!

My text alerts fly off, and I grab my phone, saying a prayer it isn’t Rune canceling on me.

And it isn’t.

It’s worse.

North: Rune’s house is on fire.

North: He’s asking for you.

North: No one hurt. Can you come?

North: 4745 Sparrow Ln.

I know the address, of course. It’s his parents’ place. Rune sent it to me so I could meet him tonight, but I don’t say that to North. I don’t say anything at all.