Page 36 of Under Water

Easton blows out a puff of air.

“Tell me that’s not your problem,” I mutter.

He laughs. “Not really. I mean, I could go out and get some stranger if I wanted, but I’m so…I don’t know.” He falls quiet, then says, “My sister’s getting married. My best friend is getting married. Camilo and Axel are practically married⁠—”

“They hate each other.”

“Yeah, but they also eye-fuck each other,” Easton says, waving his hand. “Ozzie gets hit on everywhere we go by these adorable people who probably want to husband him right up. I’m starting to feel like that loser dipshit who peaked in his rookie year, and I’m going to end up completely alone.”

As he drops his hand, I catch it. I don’t know what the actual fuck is wrong with me, but Easton sucks in a gasp and doesn’t pull away. In fact, he does the opposite. He turns his wrist until our fingers lock, and then both of our arms lower until the sides of our fists are pressed against his heart.

It’s absolutely hammering on the inside of his chest.

“You’re not going to end up alone,” I say, my voice rough and raspy. “That’s not possible.”

He laughs so softly, I can barely hear it. I mostly just feel the way his chest moves against our joined hands. “Please. You’re always the first person to tell me what an obnoxious, clumsy, thoughtless⁠—”

“Easton,” I interrupt.

He sits up halfway and looks me in the face. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re wrong.” His jaw snaps shut. I know I should keep quiet at this point, but I can’t help it. It feels like I’m tiptoeing toward something, which is ridiculous because he doesn’t like men, and he doesn’t like me, but… “You’re extremely good-looking, and you know it. And you’re fiercely loyal. You take care of the people you care about. You take care of everyone, even the ones who lash out at you.”

Me. I mean me, and I think he knows that by the way his eyes widen.

“And if you weren’t straight, one of these guys here would have made a spoiled husband out of you by now.”

His fingers spasm around mine, and then he says something that threatens to destroy the reality I know. “I’m not straight.”

My entire body feels like it’s been frozen in ice, and it takes more effort than I really have right then to speak. “You…you said—you called yourself…”

“I know what I called myself. I, uh…well.” He clears his throat. “It’s recently come to my attention that even if you’ve preferred women for most of your life, if you want to fuck a man, you’re not really, ah…totally heterosexual.”

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what to say.

“How did you come to that conclusion? That you want to fuck a man?”

His gaze cuts away from me. “I kind of have a crush. It’s foolish and pointless because he will never like me back, and he’s not really available anyway. I mean, he might want to bone me. I do have a nice ass.”

“Oh my god.” I snort a little, but there’s pain beneath it because of course Easton would fall for a guy who wasn’t me. I haven’t exactly given him reason to want me anyway, but I allow myself to feel the rejection of it.

It’s probably Camilo. Easton’s always following him around. Or North, who’s happily engaged to Easton’s brother, and that has to hurt. Or maybe it’s Axel, or Lex, or…

He interrupts me with a laugh, but the sound is high and tense. “I know. I have a healthy ego.” He’s clearly misinterpreting my silence. “Or maybe it’s me covering up a mountain of insecurity. But, yeah, so. Ozzie and Westin rightfully pointed out that not only am I obvious, but I’m not completely heterosexual.”

“Are you…are you okay?”

His gaze snaps back to my face. “Am I okay?”

I stroke a touch over his thumb, which makes his breath come out all in a rush. I can’t help but wonder if this is the first time he’s been touched by a man before. At least, like this.

He licks his lips and clears his throat. “What do you mean?”

“You just came out to me. I know for a fact how hard that can be. I was obvious as a teenager, and my parents were always open about being supportive of the queer community. But I still threw up everything in my stomach both before and after I told them I was gay.”

He bites his lip, then shrugs. “I’m not ashamed. I feel kind of silly for not realizing that wanting to lick Idris Elba’s abs wasn’t something all straight guys wanted to do.”