Page 20 of Under Water

I want to tell him not to bother coming back. It’s too fucking much right now. But I also can’t deny him. Not after what he did. And I’m not sure Elio would forgive me for shutting Easton out.

“I’ll be here.”

Easton holds out his hand, and when my palm touches his, his fingers close around mine. His grip is soft and weirdly comforting, and when he tugs me close and wraps his arms around me in the tightest goddamn hug, I lose myself in him. In his touch. In his scent.

Only for a moment.

He pulls back before I can end it, and I see headlights flash as a car pulls up to the curb. “Call me if you need me,” he says before walking away.

I won’t. Even if I do. Because I won’t torment myself with the straight hero who is currently threatening to rearrange my life.

Sleep and I have never been great friends. Even before Elio was born, my insomnia was always hovering just around the corner, and it’s no surprise that I spent the entire night in the uncomfortable chair jumping at the slightest noise, thinking it was Neal coming back to start shit.

He spent several hours blowing up my phone, and eventually, I texted my parents to let them know I was shutting it off. Ten minutes after that, Elio was being admitted and moved into a more comfortable room for him.

I’d long since stopped catastrophizing every time they wanted to admit him to the pediatric ICU. It was usually cautionary, but the pulmonologist said that pneumonia was already setting in, and by the time Elio was in his new bed, he was also spiking a fever.

Also nothing new.

I felt confident the staffing up here in the PICU wasn’t going to let Neal in to cause a scene, but I also never trust anyone ever, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

I blink awake and glance out the window to see it’s probably past seven. Elio’s still sleeping, his stats looking good and his IV currently dripping at a slow and steady pace. I stand up and attempt to wriggle some of the knots out of my back, then hesitate before poking my head out of the room and catching a nurse on her way past me.

“Sorry. It’s shift change,” she starts.

“No, no, that’s fine. I’m just going to head downstairs for some coffee, so if Elio starts asking where I am, let his new nurse know I won’t be long.”

She smiles at me and nods in a way that tells me she’ll probably rip my throat out if I try and delay her any further. The hallway is mostly quiet though, and it doesn’t take me long to get to the elevator and head down to the ground floor.

This early, the smell coming out of the hospital café is mostly from the kitchens getting patient breakfasts ready. I catch a few bleary-eyed visitors, and I don’t try and imagine why they’re still here.

Luckily, it’s rarely a place to make small talk, so I get into the queue and grab a muffin to go with my coffee before heading outside and turning my phone back on. It takes a minute, but with each ding that comes through, my anxiety starts to ramp up.

Twenty-six texts are from Neal.

Two are from my mom telling me he came by.

One is from Camilo checking on me.

One is a number I don’t have saved, and the message makes my heart leap in my chest.

Unknown: Tell Elio that a family of ducks just moved into that little concrete pond thing behind the station and when he’s feeling better, he should come see the babies.

There’s a photo to go with it. Fuzzy ducks, a brightly colored mallard dad, and his more subtle wife. Something in my chest shifts, and I feel a strange wave of resentment, frustration, and yearning.

Because Easton is someone I want—and someone I can’t have.

I take a breath, debate about answering, but in the end, I open my contacts and tap my mom’s number.

She answers halfway through the first ring.

“Everything okay?”

I’m angry with her for not keeping a better eye on Elio, but I’m also not because he’s twelve and clever and wants to be independent. He was going to find a way, no matter who was on watch.

“Everything’s fine. Pneumonia, but it’s early. He’s on his antibiotics now, and so long as his vitals don’t tank, he’ll be released when he’s done with them.”

She breathes out a small sigh. I know this is hard for her too. She’s been like a parent to him for the last several months, all because I couldn’t nut up and deal with my ex myself.