Page 105 of Under Water

He snorts. “Yeah. Elio said he ate, so I’ll make it just for us.”

I lean in and kiss him, then step aside so he can slide past me. Inside the gazebo, I see Elio’s chair in the corner. He’s on the swing and propped up by pillows, his head resting on the heavy, thick rope that keeps it up.

I half consider climbing up there with him, but instead, I drag one of the wicker chairs over to the edge and sit.

He stares at me for a long time, then takes a breath. “Easton said I should go easy on you. He said yesterday was the worst day of your life.”

I bite the inside of my cheek, then nod. “The pond day was the worst before that. Every one of my grey hairs is dedicated to you.”

His lips twitch up into the ghost of a smile. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” I tell him quickly. “It’s a kid’s job to make a parent’s hair go grey. And nothing about yesterday was your fault.”

He shrugs. “I should have spoken up. I knew he was lying when he said you were waiting in the car, but…I don’t know. I was surprised and confused, and the school seemed fine with it, so I figured they already checked.”

I bow my head and force a few deep breaths in and out of my lungs. “That’s why I feel…hesitant about letting you go back. But,” I say before he can cut in, “your mom pointed out that after that giant fuckup on their part, they’re not likely to let that happen again.”

“You talked to Mom?” he asks in a small voice.

I meet his gaze. “Her phone was broken yesterday, which is why she didn’t get my messages until now. But she’s getting on a plane tonight, and she’ll be here tomorrow morning.”

He brightens. “Oh. Um. Will it be weird with her meeting Easton? Can she stay here with us? Can I have a couple more days off school to hang out with her?”

I can’t help a tiny laugh. “It won’t be weird. And yes, she can. And yes, you can.” I take a beat, then ask, “Are you sure you want to go back to that school?”

“Yes,” he tells me in a rush. “I’m not being, like, trauma-responsey about it either. I don’t want to lose my friends, Dad. They’re not weird about me being disabled. They just like to hang out and play video games, and I’m not sure kids at a new school will get me, you know?”

“I very much doubt that, but I understand the fear. And as long as I have a very thorough meeting with the district superintendent to make sure it never happens again, I’m fine with it.”

Elio stares down at his hands for a long moment. And just when I think maybe I should go and leave him to his thoughts, he looks up again. “Can you sit with me?”

I’m careful as I slide up onto the swing, but I feel a million times better when Elio leans against me. I know he’ll always be smaller than most people his age, but he doesn’t feel like the tiny toddler who used to rest in my arms for comfort.

He’s growing up too fast, and I know that if all is right with the world, one day I will lose him to his own life, his own partner, and his own found family. And if I do things right, I’ll still be invited into that space.

But for now, I have this with him.

“Yesterday was really, really awful,” he murmurs. “I was kind of scared you weren’t going to find me. Neal kept saying that he was waiting for you to show up, but he never called you. He never texted. He just…he tried to feed me donuts and coffee like that would somehow make me take his side, and when I told him I couldn’t have gluten, he laughed at me and said you were trying to keep me fragile.”

I almost choke on my own tongue. “He said that?”

“He kept shoving them at me and saying—” He pauses to make his voice deeper. “—‘See, I always told your dad he was coddling you.’ He thought I didn’t like you, but would I do this if I didn’t like you? Something is wrong with his brain.”

I don’t answer him because I can’t even imagine what the fuck is going on with Neal. Was he so narcissistic that losing control of the situation really made him snap? Or is it deeper than that?

“Did you talk to the detective or anything?” Elio asks after a beat of silence.

I shake my head and shift him up higher so he can rest his cheek against my shoulder. “Not yet. I’m going to make some calls later. And I have to go into work to make sure I can get a few more days off.”

Elio hums. “Do you think they’ll let him out?”

“I’m going to do my best to make sure that doesn’t happen.” It’s all I can promise, and I hate that.

He’s quiet again, for a long while. Then he picks at the hem of his shirt and doesn’t look up. “Are you going to marry Easton?”

I nearly choke again. I clear my throat and take a minute before I answer him. “I don’t know. I’m not sure marriage is for me anymore.”

“Will he know you love him enough if you don’t get married?”