Page 7 of The Duchess’ Second Chance

That was both unfair and untrue, but Amanda didn’t want to get into an argument; at least, she didn’t want to make the one they were already in any worse than it already was. “Father, I would think you’d be happy about this turn of events,” she said. “You weren’t devoted to the idea of my marrying Lord Oakwell, were you?”

“I want you to marry, that’s all,” he said. “You’re right that I’m just as happy for you to marry the duke…”

“Happier, I should think,” she said. “It’s a more socially advantageous match, after all.”

“Yes, in theory, though I don’t know how we can reasonably expect it to benefit us if he’s already resisting the opportunity to aid our family.” He sighed. “You know, I believe this man was a friend to your late husband and wants to keep a promise to him. But I don’t see any evidence that he wants to do anything in particular for you, Amanda. He didn’t offer to marry you because he knew you needed a husband. He saw that you were about to marry without his assistance and he chose to intervene. His promise is more important to him than your well-being.”

“He’s only just met me,” Amanda reminded her father, though she did feel slightly uneasy at that. Was there any truth to it? Was he right to think that this man didn’t care for her at all, and that he was only here because George had sent him?

It doesn’t matter. What matters is that he’s willing to give a home to both me and Rose, and that means I’ll be able to secure that her future is what we want it to be. It means keeping her with me instead of sending her away.

“The duke’s presence has already been all the benefit I need,” she said evenly. “He’s going to care for Rose. You weren’t willing to do that, and who knows what would have become of her in Lord Oakwell’s home? As long as the child has a safe home, that’s all I care about.”

“Oh, yes, I know that’s all you care about,” her father said wryly. “Certainly not your father, who has done everything for you. The only thing that matters to you is some urchin you picked up on the street.”

“Father, you must stop calling her that,” Amanda said, grateful that she finally felt the freedom to say as much. She had hesitated to speak up before, for fear that her father might just throw Rose out in anger. But he couldn’t do that now. She was with Dorothy for the next few days, and by the time she was returned to Amanda, they would have relocated to their new home, and there would be no more need to placate Amanda’s father. “It’s an awful way to speak about a child. She certainly isn’t to blame for the fact that she lost her parents and was living on the street. And she’s worked hard to fit in and to please you in the time she’s been living here.”

“She’s not even obedient,” Amanda’s father countered. “You know it as well as I. She’s a misbehaver by nature. All children from the streets are. I don’t know why you insist on taking in a charity case, but it has always infuriated me.”

“Well, of course, you can’t understand it.” The words burst out before Amanda had a moment to think about what she was saying. “You don’t even want to have to take care of your own flesh and blood. I’m your child and you don’t want me around, so it doesn’t surprise me at all that you wouldn’t want to expend any time or energy on a child you have no lawful responsibility to protect.”

Her father stared at her. “You’ve never spoken to me in that way.”

“I’m going to be married in a few days,” she said calmly. “You and I won’t have to exist under the same roof anymore. So there’s no need for either one of us to hold back.”

“If that’s the way you feel,” he said slowly, “then perhaps I shouldn’t hold back either.” There was a malicious glint in his eye, all of a sudden.

“No,” she agreed. “I don’t think you should.” Was it really possible that he believed he ever had? She had always known exactly what he thought of her. It was no secret.

“Then I might as well tell you that I find it appalling how little care you have for me,” he said seriously. “It’s more than sadness on my part. I’m shocked I raised such a negligent and disrespectful daughter, who would run off and marry a man without ensuring that her own father was provided for. I don’t know how you can do such a thing. But what I can tell you, Amanda, is that your mother would feel the same way I do. She would be deeply disappointed in you—in the way you’ve turned out.”

He lifted his chin slightly as he said this, and Amanda couldn’t help but stagger backward a step as the words landed.

He might as well have struck her.

“What did you say?” she whispered, for surely he couldn’t have actually meant that. He must have meant it in some other way, some way that she wasn’t understanding right now.

“I knew your mother for years,” her father said. “I knew her far better than you did. I understood the hopes she had for you, and what would have made her happiest. And she would have been dismayed to see this. She believed that it was the responsibility of family to take care of one another. That’s why I let you back into this house, you know, when your husband died. It was what she would have wanted me to do. But she also would have wanted you to care for me in return. She wouldn’t understand why you refuse to keep to that duty.”

“Don’t you speak to me like this.” Amanda was shaking with distress and anger. She felt like shouting, or possibly bursting into tears. She couldn’t believe this was happening.

They never spoke about her mother. Not at all. There had never been a time when her father had told her that her mother would be pleased and proud. There had never even been a time when he had remarked that she’d grown up to look like her mother. She knew she had—a few of the servants had told her. Her own memories from childhood were too unclear, and she’d never have been certain on her own.

The fact that her father couldn’t provide these simple things had always bothered her, but she had grown used to the disappointment. This, though, was different. He was outright telling her that her mother would have been disappointed…the ache that blossomed within her chest was unlike anything she’d felt in a very long time.

“The only thing Mother would have been disappointed by,” she said quietly, “was the fact that I came back here at all.”

“You have no idea.”

“I might not remember her very well,” Amanda agreed. “But I do have memories. She was a presence in my childhood, Father, and I know the kind of woman she was. She was lovely. She cared for me. She always wanted to make sure I felt safe and secure. She would be so proud of me for taking Rose in and giving her that same sense of care and love. She would know that I was taking everything she had shown me once, in my youth, and passing it on to someone else. You never could understand that, and it’s because you never cared for me the way Mother did. But she would have known. She would have understood.”

“You’re telling yourself what you want to hear,” her father said. “I’m telling you what’s true.”

“I don’t need you to tell me anything at all, Father.” She was floored that he continued this talk, seeing how much it was upsetting her. She’d known for years that he didn’t care, but she had never imagined him to be malicious. “There’s really nothing more for the two of us to say to one another tonight,” she said. “I’ll be in my room. And, frankly, I imagine I’ll be there until the time comes for me to leave this house for good.”

She pushed past him and hurried up the stairs to her bedroom, closing the door behind her and throwing the bolt. Once she was alone, she found that she was gasping for air—and it wasn’t because of the run.

I need to get this gown off, she thought desperately, and began to strip out of it.