Page 70 of The Duchess’ Second Chance

“I wasn’t dramatic at all. I’m not being dramatic now either. I’m telling you that you aren’t going to get any money from Sampson, that’s all you need to know. Stop trying to bother him.”

“I need to think through what arrangements I’m going to make, though,” he mused, “if you’ve already destroyed your second marriage. It will be awfully difficult to persuade a third man to take you on.”

“Nobody asked you to do that.”

“I suppose I ought to reach out to Lord Oakwell,” her father mused, not listening to her. “He was willing to take you on before, so perhaps an arrangement can be made. And I do still have the dowry, after all. If I act quickly, if I tell him I’m the one cancelling your marriage, as opposed to your husband turning you out…do you think the duke would be amenable to keeping the whole thing quiet? It would be in everyone’s best interest to get you quickly married again to someone else before more scandal could break.”

Amanda got to her feet. She was suddenly very glad that she hadn’t asked for a cup of tea.

“You are unbelievable,” she said, her voice trembling. “I never wanted to marry Lord Oakwell, Father, and you knew that. I never wanted to marry at all, in point of fact, but, of course, that didn’t matter to you as long as you got what you wanted. All you’ve ever cared about was your own business prospects. You’re not worried for my well-being. You’re just worried what people might say about you if they come up with something else about me to criticize. But my life is not a problem for you to solve, and I’m sorry I ever came here today or told you anything. I should have left you entirely out of my affairs, and from now on I’ll be smart enough to do just that. At least I have finally learned better.”

She started toward the door.

Her father rose and followed after her. “Don’t you walk out on me, Amanda,” he said firmly. “You have no right to speak to me like that, and certainly no right to dismiss yourself. I am your father.”

“But I am the Duchess of Mortridge,” she countered. “Perhaps not for much longer, Father, but I am the duchess today, and you are the one who ought to mind the way you speak to me. I shouldn’t have come here today, and I’m not going to stay. You’ve had your say. I have a life to return to now, if you will excuse me.”

“Not much of a life,” her father sneered. “Living in the home of a man who doesn’t want you. Raising a child who isn’t yours, who you found on the street. I had such high hopes for you, Amanda, and you have disappointed me at every turn.”

In spite of the fact that she knew there was no pleasing him, in spite of the fact that she had done her best to write that desire off a long time ago, she couldn’t help feeling stung. The words made her freeze where she stood, and her mind searched for something to say—something that would change his mind. Something that would show him, whether by argument or by appeasement, that she was more than just a disappointment. That she was a daughter he could be proud of.

But he didn’t want to be proud of her. He wanted a daughter he could use to advance his social and financial standing.

Amanda was never going to be that person. She didn’t want to be.

Coming here had served at least one good purpose, she thought as she hurried through the halls and toward the front door. It had reminded her that her situation could be—and had been—worse. There was an option that would be even less desirable than living under Sampson’s roof after ending their marriage to one another, and it was an option she would never have to take.

No matter what, I will never come back here and live with my father. I will never relinquish control of my life to him again. Even if I have to abandon comfort entirely and find work as a seamstress in town. Even if it takes every ounce of effort I can give to care for Rose and meet her needs. This is an option I will never pursue.

Her carriage was waiting for her outside. She climbed in with her head held high and gave the order to take her back to Sampson’s estate. And as the carriage began to pull away, she was struck with a surprising thought.

Coming here today should have been an ordeal. She had expected it to be, and in some ways, it had. But it had also left her feeling better than she had felt since the day of the ill-fated kiss.

Her father had given her a gift, though he would never have meant to do so. He had given her a small piece of certainty to hold onto. And even though there was still a great deal of conflict in her mind, that was enough to make her feel calmer than she’d ever thought a visit with her father could.

CHAPTER 35

“Ido think this was a good idea,” Sampson said quietly.

The two of them were in his carriage on the way to Dorothy and Nathaniel’s home for a dinner party. Amanda had spent hours dressing for it, changing her selections two or three different times, putting her hair up, taking it down, and staring at herself in the looking glass. What did you wear to dinner with the man you had married for the sake of an arrangement, who now might wish to annul his marriage to you and who hadn’t yet talked to you about that?

Do I want to convey to him that I’ll be fine without him? Am I trying to communicate that I don’t need his approval? Or is it that I really want him to admire me and wish to kiss me again? Both things, somehow, felt equally true, though, of course, they couldn’t be.

“We can’t tell them…” She trailed off. There was so much they couldn’t tell their friends. The whole night would be based on lies.

“We won’t tell them anything,” Sampson said. He didn’t specify either, but Amanda was sure he was thinking the same thing she was. “It will be a normal, calm night among friends. There will be nothing more to it than that.”

Amanda nodded and gazed out the window. It was good to get out of the house, and it would be good to spend time with Dorothy—with a friend who simply liked her and didn’t make her feel as though she was doing complicated puzzles in her head just to understand the nature of their interactions. In spite of the fact that she couldn’t be honest right now, time spent with Dorothy would be nothing but easy.

I need a little bit of easy right now.

The carriage stopped in front of Dorothy and Nathaniel’s house, and they got out. Standing side by side there, preparing to go in, Amanda was struck with the realization that the two of them were still united, just as they had been the day of the Montgomery Ball. They still had a common goal, an image they wanted to present.

We are still playing the part of the happy couple.

I just didn’t realize that it was going to get increasingly untrue as time went on.

Suddenly she wished she hadn’t come. She could be at home with Rose right now. That would be so much simpler…