Page 65 of The Duchess’ Second Chance

Let that day come swiftly.

Amanda wouldn’t choose the annulment he had offered her. How had he convinced himself that she would? As he looked over the plots of land on the map in front of him, the whole thing began to seem rather distant and foolish. He had gotten carried away. He was so accustomed to the dire situations forced on him by his time at war that everything had begun to seem very serious. But this matter simply wasn’t like that.

She wasn’t going to end their marriage. She didn’t really want that. Space, that was what she wanted. Clearer lines between them. A better understanding of the nature of things.

The tension he had been feeling melted slightly. He could do that.

In the meantime, all he needed to do would be to keep his distance from Amanda so that each of them would be able to spend time forgetting about what had happened between them. The next time they saw one another, it was all going to seem like nothing more than a distant memory, and at last they would be able to settle into the sort of routine he had hoped for all along.

CHAPTER 32

“Amanda, shouldn’t we read?”

Amanda glanced over at Rose, who was holding out the book she had been in the middle of working through. “You don’t need me for your reading,” she said, hearing how absent her voice sounded. “You’ve been doing so well on your own these past few weeks, Rose. Just go on with what you’ve been doing.”

“But I like reading with you,” Rose protested. “Are you saying that once I’m a very good reader, you’ll never read with me again?” Her face set in a mulish scowl. “Because if that’s what’s going to happen, I’m going to stop practicing altogether. I don’t want to learn to read if it means you won’t read with me anymore.”

The tinge of amused fondness Amanda felt at the girl’s stubborn tone was not enough to bring a smile to her face today. “You don’t need to worry, Rose,” she said. “I’m not going to stop reading with you for good, I promise. I’m not feeling up to it today, that’s all. I think I need to rest.”

“Are you ill?” Rose sounded worried. “I don’t want anything to happen to you. Should I go and fetch Sampson? Maybe you need to see a physician.”

“No, I’m not ill.” Amanda patted the space on the chaise next to her. Rose clambered up and regarded her with a worried expression on her face. “I know that it would be difficult for you if anything were to happen to me, Rose, but you must know that you wouldn’t be on your own. I’m sure that Sampson would go on taking care of you.”

“I can’t live here with him without you though,” Rose said. “He’s much too fearsome.”

“I thought you had decided he wasn’t a monster.”

“I have. That doesn’t mean I don’t find him frightful, though,” Rose said. “Imagine if he was the only person I had to speak to, day in and day out! Well, except for Mrs. Linden, I suppose, but she’s so bossy. Neither of them could ever be like you.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Amanda assured her. “I’m not ill. I was just up too late last night, with too many thoughts on my mind.”

“What kind of thoughts? Perhaps I can help you to sort them out,” Rose suggested.

“No, you can’t,” Amanda said. “I’m afraid no one can. It’s the sort of thing I need to manage for myself, and in the meantime I’m afraid I’ll find it very difficult to give your book the attention it deserves. But why don’t you read to me instead?” she added. “I would be happy to listen. And I find it soothing when you read. That would help me get a bit of peace, if you’d like.”

“Oh!” Rose perked up a bit at that. “All right. If it will help, I’d like to.” She placed the book across her lap, opened it, and began to read.

The melody of her words was, as Amanda had predicted, immediately soothing.

So many things were going wrong in her life right now, but here was one thing that was going very right. Rose was well taken care of, and her education was coming along splendidly. When Amanda had first brought her home, she hadn’t been able to read at all, but she was nearly caught up to where a young lady of her age ought to be. By the time she was ready to make her debut in society, it would be impossible to distinguish her from the young ladies who had been raised from birth in noble homes. No one would ever know of her humble beginnings unless Rose herself chose to share the information with them.

Perhaps, when the time comes, and she marries some lord of her own, she’ll bring me along with her, and I’ll have a place to live…even if this marriage is annulled.

It was one thing to imagine her marriage to Sampson coming to an end and yet continuing to live here for Rose’s sake. Amanda knew that she would never leave this house as long as she had Rose with her, unless she could see a better living situation for Rose. But Sampson had been clear that even if the marriage ended, his protection would persist. Amanda had to assume that meant that he would retain Mrs. Linden’s services, and it also meant that Rose would never lack for food or a safe place to sleep.

That was more important than anything.

But if Rose were to marry someday, everything would change.

If this marriage had ended and Rose was gone, Amanda would have no reason to stay here, and her dignity might forbid her to do so. Living out the rest of her days with a man who had kissed her and immediately decided he needed to end their marriage to one another sounded unbearable. She would have to go somewhere else.

None of this, of course, was a problem to be solved today. It wasn’t even a problem that could be solved today. But her thoughts wouldn’t quiet. If only she could sort this out, she might be able to stop turning it over in her mind and get a bit of peace.

But she couldn’t.

Nightmare scenarios kept popping up instead. The thought of herself, old and alone, haunting these halls while Sampson ignored her steadfastly day in and day out. Perhaps he would even marry again. There would be nothing to stop him if their marriage was annulled. His new wife would cast Amanda looks of loathing, resenting her for the fact that she wouldn’t go away, and Amanda—in spite of herself—would be plagued by thoughts of whether this new woman enjoyed kissing Sampson. And much more painfully, whether he enjoyed kissing her.

It would be impossible to live in that situation. Every day would be torment. The only hope for her would be waiting for Rose to marry so that they could leave.