Page 82 of To Steal a Duchess

“Now, we must arrange refreshments, or perhaps go into the village to get you some fresh air, and I can tell you about my honeymoon.” Nancy paused as she swept up to her feet. “Unless it is insensitive⁠—”

“No, please do,” Eloise all but begged. She wanted to hear about it anyway, but she also needed to speak about anything but her situation and take her mind off things.

“We only end up at this tavern when something is wrong,” Gideon noted to Dorian.

He had been eyeing him over the rim of his glass for several minutes, clearly trying to read what Dorian kept to himself. And yet Dorian had indeed taken him to their place where, when nothing in their worlds made sense, they could just escape.

“Are you going to tell me?” Gideon’s eyes tracked Dorian’s face. When he didn’t answer again for too long, Gideon sighed. “Fine. Then I shall fill this lovely little silence with⁠—”

“Eloise may be with child.”

Dorian wasn’t sure if he had planned to tell his friend, or if he had just needed to escape into the village tavern. But, as much as Gideon hadn’t known not to test his patience in that moment, Dorian could not bear to hear of his happiness.

Or his normal marriage.

Or the fact that he and Nancy were likely already planning their family, while Dorian…

While Dorian was drowning in the news that he might be having one of his own.

Dorian’s eyes remained fixed on his drink as he said, “She has been sick some mornings, and I cannot look in her in the eye for guilt.” He took his head. “I broke my control and now I have done this to her. I promised she did not have to provide anything for me when we got married. And now… now she will have to bear a child that carries my father’s blood. My blood.”

“Dorian.” Gideon leaned closer in his chair, elbows resting on the wood-stained table. “Dorian, you are already ahead of yourself. Firstly, I can see what this has already done to you, for you look as though you have left your mind in your bed and you are only sat here but you are not here.”

“You are not wrong.” Dorian’s voice was dull. “I—I do not know what to do, Gideon. I have spent years outrunning memories of my father, of even burying my days with John. I was starting to successfully do that with Eloise and now…”

He looked out at the window. “Now, all I can see, even more than usual, in my face is my father. I look down at my hands and see split knuckles he had from his cruelty. I am terrified, Gideon, that I will become like him.

“Time changed my father. He was not always a bad man, so who is to say I am safe from his curse?”

“Who is to say you are not?” Gideon challenged, drawing Dorian’s attention back. “Your father cannot haunt your future the way he has with your past, Dorian. You are already doubting yourself before you even know for certain. Once more, you have pushed away Eloise—right when she will likely need you the most—based on an unknown.”

“It could be a catastrophe. I gave in last time and look where it has gotten me.” His fist hit the table. “What if I have a child, and I cannot protect them, the way my father did not protect me? What if they grow up to resent me? I do not know what to think of anything. I am utterly terrified.”

He clenched his jaw. “And the worst thing is that I just want to take Eloise into my arms and apologize.”

“I do not think the risk of her being with child is what you ought to be apologizing for.”

Gideon fixed him with a raised brow before he downed the remainder of his drink.

“When you return home, go to her,” he said. “Go to her as you did last time, and so Heaven help me, Dorian, if I have to tell you to listen to your wife one more time, I will not be happy.” He pointed a warning finger. “Now, do get us the next round of drinks. You look as though you need one, and I certainly do, for I already miss my wife.”

However, when Dorian returned, he took one look at Eloise curled up on the couch, Pickle snoring at her feet, her eyes closed. Her hand loosely rested on her stomach, and Dorian’s stomach clenched.

Was she already hoping she was with child?

Was she happy at the thought of it, or did she dread it as he did?

Dorian took a step away. He did need to speak to her but he did not know how to truly voice his fear. He lingered, watching her soft hair falling over her face, her body curled into itself.

She had rarely slept, and he told himself he only walked away to let her rest.

Guilt and fear continued to gnaw through Dorian the more distance he put between them.

Chapter Twenty-Four

The day after Nancy visited, Eloise awoke alone in the drawing room.

Her back ached from sleeping on the settee, but she clucked at Pickle to get him up and moving. Her stomach was settled so far, and she was thankful, but her mind was already straying to her husband.