Page 94 of Shielded in the Shadows

CHAPTER 23

KEELA

Normally, every time I woke from treatment in a medpod, I used the cleanser, dressed, and went straight to the cockpit. Sometimes I made myself coffee and a meal, sometimes just the coffee. But I never allowed myself to lie down and go to sleep because while I seldom dreamed while undergoing treatment, my post-medpod dreams were always nightmares.

This time, as the pod shut off, I let Jarrix scoop me up half-awake, carry me to our quarters aboard the Vespira, and hold me snugly against his chest while he cooed me to sleep.

I slept very deeply for a very long time, and I dreamed very good dreams.

In one dream, Jarrix cradled me in a warm pool in the arboretum on Trakhan, humming a sweet melody as the lovely bioluminescent plants surrounding the pool gently poured clean, glowing, fragrant water from their blossoms and leaves onto our heads and shoulders. All the blood and filth on our bodies left by our adventure on Saistea washed away, leaving us clean.

Somehow, my skin had changed color to match Jarrix’s dark gray flesh. Rather than be alarmed, I was perfectly at peace with the change. And even more wondrous, our skin was covered in sparkling stars and colorful cosmic dust that swirled as if we’d been formed out of space itself.

In the dream, Jarrix caressed my body lovingly. His touch made the stars in my skin twinkle even more brightly.

“Look at us, mate,” he murmured in my ear. “We are a star nursery.”

I marveled at our bodies as our skin glowed and glimmered like the nebula beyond the arboretum. When I touched the scar on my stomach where the shard of glaz had impaled me, it flared brilliantly white. All my other scars glowed too. They were somehow beautiful now instead of grim reminders of a hard and dangerous life. I’d been transformed—or perhaps I was seeing myself as I really was beneath all the layers of scars and armor I’d worn for so long.

A wondrous, comforting warmth that had nothing to do with the heated pool and everything to do with the male at my side filled me.

The comfort remained when I finally opened my eyes. I found myself in bed, wrapped tightly in a cocoon made of Jarrix’s arms and wings. His tail was coiled around my calf as if he needed every part of me to be surrounded as much by every part of himself as possible.

Only the faintest amber light from the ship’s interior made it past his beautiful black wings, but it was enough for me to see Jarrix’s face.

My last memory before I’d passed out in the medpod was of him bent over me, his grave face streaked with blood and his eyes deeply shadowed with worry and guilt. His terribly damaged wings had nearly dragged on the deck behind him.

Now he breathed deeply and evenly, his forehead nearly touching mine and his expression blessedly serene as his chest rumbled quietly. I couldn’t tell if he’d been able to fully heal his wings and the rest of his injuries, but I hoped so.

We both smelled clean and not of blood or warehouse filth. In fact, I smelled like lightly fragranced soap and not just as if I’d been sanitized by the medpod or cleaned in the cleanser. Jarrix had bathed me while I’d slept, and he’d been so tender and gentle with me that I hadn’t even woken up.

I had to sit with that realization for a few moments.

While Jarrix enjoyed watching over me while I slept, I was rarely awake while he was asleep. His instincts kept him from falling asleep until I did, and since he required less rest, he was always up and about before me, or at least already awake when I opened my eyes. This was the first time I’d really gotten to study him while he was sleeping.

Gods, he was beautiful.

His cheekbones were sharp, his lashes were long and thick and black, and up close his eyelids had a soft lavender tint that I somehow hadn’t noticed before. Maybe I could be forgiven for missing that detail when there were so many other striking features to take in, from those horns—so perfect for hanging onto for dear life—to the tips of the claws on his feet.

He was a feast for all my senses, in fact. Skin like the finest suede that I couldn’t imagine I’d ever tire of caressing. The taste of rare black-market spices with hints of smoke. The delicious and chilling ferocity of his snarls sounded as good to me as the comfort of his rumbles and coos.

I inhaled, pulling his warm smoke-and-spice scent into my lungs. I’d once imagined how good his smell would be on my pillow, and it was in fact perfect. But now his scent had settled deeply into me, into my skin, my bones, my muscles, and my blood. Into my heart and soul.

I watched my mate sleep peacefully and let my mind drift.

I have found you in all the vastness of the universe, Jarrix had said to me in the maintenance shaft on Ghira Station. In that moment, I’d thought it was an utterly ridiculous statement, especially when he’d said it while on his knees, his expression open and unguarded and his throat deliberately pressed to the tip of my blade.

It was anything but ridiculous now. Now, I looked at him and felt the same way.

Despite all my wanderings across the galaxy, I’d never felt lost. But for the first time in my life, I felt found.

My vision shimmered. When I blinked, a few tears escaped, trickling down toward my hairline and along the side of my nose until a drop formed on the tip before falling to the pillow.

Jarrix’s nostrils flared. His eyes snapped open and swept over my face.

The moment his gaze landed on those little drops, he pulled me against his rumbling chest, tucked my head under his chin, and began to coo softly in the way I preferred over the louder, more forceful version he’d employed the first time he’d comforted me as we were leaving Ghira Station. I hadn’t needed to verbalize my preference—he’d just instinctively known what I wanted and needed.

For a long, long time, I let my tears fall. I didn’t sob or tremble or wail. Well before Marcila had sold Calla and me, I’d learned not to let anyone hear me cry. Life in the arena barracks had brutally reinforced that lesson. Tears only ever led to more suffering, never comfort, so they had to be kept silent and hidden.