Page 76 of The Highland Fling

Da’s lips curl up again. “That’d be great. Iona and him get on well. They don’t see a lot of each other, with Iona living in Glasgow, but Archie appreciates having a half-sister. He asks about you too on occasion. He knows about the baby and was wondering if she’d be his half-niece. I’d never heard the term before, but we looked it up, and it exists—as does half-uncle.”

Even though this whole situation is so strange, I force a smile. “You can tell Archie I’ll bring his half-niece to meet her half-uncle at some point. We can maybe even drop all the ‘halves’. If he likes, he can just be Uncle Archie.”

Da grins. “Aye, I’m sure he would like that.”

I’m trying my best to act as if this is all perfectly ordinary—being here in Da’s living room and casually chatting with him about Archie while Kirsty is through in the kitchen. If I pretend it’s normal, maybe I’ll eventually feel that way too. Sorting out my relationship with Da and his new family is my one New Year’s resolution, but to be fair, it’s a pretty big one. For it to happen, I’ll need some answers, and those are what I’m here for.

Kirsty comes back through carrying a tray on which there are three cups and saucers, a teapot, some shortbread, a wee jug of milk, a bowl of sugar, and some teaspoons. “Now, I wasn’t sure whether to bring a cup for myself. I can always leave you two men to chat?”

Da glances my way questioningly.

“Er, Kirsty, I would like to get to know you better. I’m trying to turn over a new leaf before the baby is born. But . . . I have some questions for Da, and maybe it’d be easier if—”

“I’ll pop upstairs and read my book. I’m at a good bit anyway.”

“Thanks.”

She leaves, and Da checks the teapot.

“Hmm, I’ll give it a few more minutes. Some shortbread, son?”

“Cheers.” I take a piece, as well as a saucer to catch the crumbs. I’m not really hungry, but chewing on a biscuit will buy me a few moments to formulate my thoughts. It’s tasty—crumbly and buttery with just the right amount of sweetness.

“So . . .” I swallow. “I’ve been trying to figure out where I stand with Grace. I like her, but she’s down in London, and I’m up here, and I can’t see how it’ll work long-distance. That’s the first problem, but if we chat about it some more, we might come up with a solution.

“The bigger problem is . . .” I hesitate. “Well, I keep on worrying that one day I’ll do to her what you did to Maw, and that’s holding me back. I need to understand why you did it, Da—why you led two separate lives and lied to everyone for years.”

Da nods slowly then checks the teapot again. “You know what? I think the colour is all right now. I’m going to go ahead and pour. Is it still just milk you take?”

“Aye.”

The tea comes out a bit pale, but I get it. Da is using this as an opportunity to plan what to say, like I did with the shortbread.

He puts down the pot, tops both cups with milk, then stirs. It’s not until he’s passed me my tea and taken a sip of his own that he speaks again.

“I’ve wanted to talk to you about this for a long time, but you didn’t want to listen before, which I completely understood. The first thing I need to make clear is it was, of course, wrong. If I had a time machine, I’d do everything differently. I won’t try to justify my behaviour to you because, quite frankly, I can’t.”

I don’t say anything to this. I just wait for Da to continue.

“A little over thirty years ago, I found myself in the same situation you’re in now. When your maw fell pregnant with you, we weren’t married, and you were . . . not planned. Back then, societal expectations were quite different, especially in a small town like Bannock. There was a certain pressure for us to become husband and wife, and so that’s what we did.

“We were wed, and in time, our family grew with the addition of Iona. I have many fond memories of that part of my life, as well as a lot of respect for Elspeth. We were . . . good friends. But here’s the thing: did we love each other?” He shakes his head. “I don’t believe we did, and I mean that both ways. I don’t think your mother ever truly loved me—not the way a husband and wife are supposed to.”

“You and Maw always seemed happy,” I say, a little defensively. “That’s why it was such a shock.”

“I’m not saying we had big stormy rows or fiery arguments, but we married for the wrong reasons. We thought it was our duty. With Kirsty, though, it’s different. I know it might upset you to hear this, but she’s the love of my life, son. The only love of my life.”

I take a sip of tea. Da’s right: that isn’t easy to hear.

“Although I regret the way I handled everything, I don’t regret meeting Kirsty—I won’t ever regret that. What I should have done was end things with your maw first. Instead, I was selfish and a coward, and Kirsty and I had an affair. When she fell pregnant, I kept up the secrecy, and frankly, that wasn’t fair on anyone. I could go over my reasons for it, but at the end of the day, it was wrong—that’s the long and short of it. What’s more, begging you to stay quiet after you found out about Kirsty and Archie? That weighs heavily on me. I shouldn’t have dragged you into my lies.”

“Hmm. Right.” I’m not sure what to say to this. His words aren’t bringing me any closer to forgiveness, at least not yet.

“Please don’t allow my mistakes to affect your life. When it comes to you and Grace, all that matters is how you feel about her and how she feels about you. So . . . how do you feel about her?”

I think about Grace, and warmth blooms in my chest. “I . . . I like her, Da. I really like her. But . . . I don’t want to mess this up. I don’t want to hurt her the way you—”

“Stop. Just stop. You’re worrying too much about what I did when you should be focusing on yourself. Here’s the thing: I’m well aware of your reputation as a bit of a ladies’ man, and trust me, you don’t get that from me. I’ve only ever been with two women, son. That’s it. And of them, I’ve only ever loved one—and that’s the woman upstairs. Aye, I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but if you genuinely believe you’re not suited to settling down, please don’t point to me as proof of that.