Page 66 of Ever After

“It was something. Tell me,” I urge, putting my hand to his face and pulling him back to me. He flinches when I touch his cheekbone, and I drop my hand, staring at him. “Are you okay?”

He nods. “Just banged up.”

“From what?”

“I fell near the cliff.” He licks his lips.

It’s too glib and I frown. “Tell me the truth, Blue. I need to know.”

“Why?”

“Because if I’ve hurt you in any way, I need to know about it, because you’re the most important person in my whole world. How can I make it better, if you won’t tell me?”

He considers that, his face gentle in a way he doesn’t show to anyone else. It’s a look he wears often with me, and I never fail to love it.

“You said—” He clears his throat. “You said that you were sick of me and my gifts and that I was ruining the honeymoon. That everyone leaves in the end because of me.”

“There’s not an ounce of truth in that.” I sit up, ignoring his attempts to make me lie back down. “You do know that, don’t you?” He bites his lip and I take his hand. “I love your gifts. They’re part of the extraordinary man I married. He’s someone who’s kind, impossibly loyal, and the bravest person I’ve ever met. Blue, look at me.”

His pale eyes are wary and guarded and I hate that more than anything. It’s been so long since I saw that look directed at me and it breaks my heart that it’s back.

“I love the world you move through,” I tell him. “It’s hidden from everyone else, and I adore the fact that you let me be a part of it. You know that wasn’t me saying those things, don’t you?” He nods, and I sag a little in relief. My heart is hammering like I just ran a marathon. “Good. I’m glad you know I’d never knowingly hurt you.”

I don’t know what it is—a slight tightening of his mouth or the way he seems to freeze for a second before smiling at me—but another wave of dread washes over me.

“What else?” I whisper. “What else did I do?”

“Not you.”

“Okay. What did it do?”

He hesitates and then the words tumble out of him. “It hit me and pushed me over.”

Even though I was expecting something bad, this is like an electric shock frying my synapses. “What?”

His hands flutter as I rise to my knees. “It’s okay. It’s okay,” he says soothingly. “You’re getting agitated, Levi. I’m not hurt. And it wasn’t you. Levi?” I look at him. “It wasn’t you,” he repeats firmly.

I know that, but I can’t find the words to describe how hollowed out I feel. I would no more lay a finger in anger on him than I would chop off my own arm. “Did I hurt you?” I whisper.

He shakes his head, but his hand comes up unconsciously to his cheek, and in the moonlight I see the faint shadow on his skin. “Oh my god, I bruised you,” I say brokenly.

“Levi, it wasn’t you,” he repeats and then smiles. It’s a crooked, melancholy grin. “You would never do that to me.”

I lower myself to the mattress slowly, feeling suddenly forty years older. I arrange him so he’s lying on me and then lean in pressing kisses into his skin, pausing to breathe gently over the bruise on his cheek. “I’m still sorry,” I whisper.

His hand runs through my hair. “You have nothing to apologise for,” he says steadily. “I realised pretty quickly that something had happened to you.”

I wonder what his thoughts were in the moments when he didn’t realise I wasn’t myself. Maybe there will always be a kernel of doubt that lives inside Blue. Maybe he will always doubt he’s worthy of love and that love is real and can last. But the important thing is that he did realise I could never hurt him. A few years ago, he wouldn’t have.

Right now, his face is serene and I know with a deep certainly that, despite today’s events, we’re alright. We’ll always be alright.

“I love you,” I say.

His mouth quirks up. “And I love you. Now go to sleep, Mr Chatty.”

I close my eyes but my head throbs, and I can’t stop dwelling on what’s happened.

“Levi?” he says.