Page 31 of Ever After

“Admittedly not good.” He can’t hide his smile. “But I’m going to do better. This is my honeymoon.”

“Said with an appropriate evangelical fervour.” He reaches out and takes my hand. “A honeymoon isn’t just about romance and sex.”

“How do you know?”

“I read it on the back of a crisp packet.” He shrugs. “Seems to me it’s really just a holiday from the act of getting married.”

My laughter is fond and too loud, and the lady at the counter wakes up with a start.

Levi grins at me. “I’m just saying that we might have known this would happen. It happens everywhere we go.”

“And you’re alright with that?” I ask. I know he’s all in, but surely this has got to get boring at some point. Surely the honeymoon should be the one time in our lives when we don’t get involved with ghosts.

I’m expecting a heartfelt declaration, but I just get an eye roll. “Yes. A thousand times, yes. I’m fine.”

My lip twitches, but I say sedately, “So, you think I should help him?”

He shrugs. “Yeah, why not? It can’t hurt.”

“Oh, well done, Levi. Famous last words.”

He grins and leans in. “We go and you check out the house. It’s probably some ghost thing like a relative or someone he needs to get a message to. Maybe he buried treasure there and we can help the family find it and relieve any money worries they might have. They might need to get the roof done for a start.”

I stare at him. “Life is just some sort of Disney film for you, isn’t it, Levi?”

His eyes turn wicked. “Put it this way. The sooner we go, the sooner we can get back to what we’ve been doing so far on our honeymoon.”

“Fucking?”

“Yep. Fucking.” He winks. “Or making sweet, sweet lurve. Whatever you want to call it.”

“Oh, shut up.” He laughs and I say, “There’s just one problem with that plan.”

His laughter stops. “What?”

“We’ve done a lot of sex over the last couple of days.”

“When don’t we?”

“Yes, but there isn’t usually a spirit watching us.” I’d considered not telling him but that went out of the window within seconds. I tell Levi everything.

His mouth drops open. “What?” I grimace. “Oh my god, He watched us?”

I nod apologetically. “But he said it was nice. Beautiful in fact.” His stare intensifies and I sag. “Okay, he was a bit letchy, but so would you be if you were stuck in a cottage watching two men fuck themselves into a coma.”

The woman at the counter jerks like she’s been tasered, and I realise the radio had gone silent right before my rather colourful description.

“Sorry,” I call and turn back to Levi, who’s looking pale. “You okay?”

“I know we live with Rosalind, but she’s always been more focused on us maintaining a tidy house than pervving over us. I might never take my clothes off again.”

I draw back. “Whoa. No need to get drastic. That’s the worst thing you’ve ever said to me. And on my honeymoon too,” I add piously.

“A ghost saw me naked.”

“Yes, but at least he’s dead.”

“Oh, thank you, Blue. Thank you so very much.”