Page 28 of Love Hate

“I’m the line,” he corrected me. “The one you always really wanted. You’re afraid that if we go forward with this, you might change your mind about becoming a priest.”

“Don’t fucking flatter yourself,” I snapped. “Ten days ago, you hated me. Hell, ten days ago you were straight! So don’t stand there and act like you understand any of this.”

God, I hated that he was right. He was the line. It had nothing to do with school, or the program or whether or not I liked being hurt. It was that I liked it way too much when he was the one hurting me. If I let him touch me again, my whole world would absolutely come tumbling down.

And when he left, which he would because this was all just a game to him, I’d have nothing. When he left, I’d have given up my dreams, given up everything I was, everything I’d worked for, for nothing.

“You’re right,” he said, his body slumping as if a weight of defeat had landed squarely on his broad shoulders. “I don’t understand. I look at you now and it’s like I never really saw you before. It’s like I let one misunderstanding ruin everything I could have been. Like I wasted years, stumbling blindly in the dark and for the first time I’ve seen real light…and I can’t have it.” He chuckled, but there was no humor in the sound. “I did this and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“There’s nothing to fix,” I assured him. “Even if you’d never hated me, we’d still be right here. Because I was always going to do this with my life.” I sighed. “Would you give up football?”

“What?” His brow furrowed as he continued to stare at me.

“Would you stop playing football? If I asked you, right now, to quit…could you do it?”

“That’s different—”

“No,” I cut him off. “It’s not. And you know it. Football is who you are. It’s your passion. It’s your calling. And this is mine. Sometimes we don’t get to choose. Sometimes our paths are chosen for us.” I let out a soft sigh. “Anyway, you should go.”

“Okay,” he agreed. “Can I come back Wednesday?” He held up a hand before I could argue. “To study.”

“Sure,” I said. “But this conversation is over.”

“If that’s what you want,” he said. He turned back toward the bed and grabbed his book then followed me out of the room to the front door.

“Have a good night,” I told him, reaching for the doorknob.

He covered my hand with his and stepped close to me, his gaze locked on mine for a moment. Then he leaned down slightly and placed a soft kiss on my forehead, before opening the door with my hand still in his. Then he released me and walked out.

I shut the door and leaned against it, closing my eyes as I let out a long, frustrated sigh. I knew I’d made the right decision by stopping things before they could go too far.

But as I walked into my room and dropped face down onto my bed, the scent of his cologne filled my nostrils and I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about what he’d said.

It was all semantics. Yes, I was in school to become a priest. But I wasn’t one yet. Were things really so different now than they were six months ago?

In my head I knew they were. But in my heart and…other areas of my anatomy…I wasn’t so sure anymore.

Chapter Fifteen

~Trevor~

“Where the hell have you been?” Mark asked, glancing up from his phone when I walked in the door to the apartment we shared.

“Studying,” I answered, dropping my backpack to the floor before flopping into a chair across from him. “It’s almost midnight, why are you waiting up for me?”

“I wasn’t,” he said. “I’m just sitting here.” He set his phone down and stared at me. “Were you with Andy again?”

“Yeah,” I said slowly. “He’s my tutor.”

“Are you into him?”

“Into him?” I raised an eyebrow. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I don’t know, man. He shows up at practice like a fucking weirdo then you run off to see him after.” Mark shrugged.

“He showed up at practice because I asked him to,” I said firmly. “Because we needed to talk about my Lit assignment. And since he was free tonight, we agreed to start the reading for class. That’s it. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with you?” he shot back. “I thought he was just going to do your papers and that would be it. Are you friends with this guy now?”