Page 97 of Forbidden Forward

Shock has me stuttering. “Y-you mean you’ve been …” I gesture between us. “While w-we were …”

“Go tell your brother you and I are done. Then you won’t have to look for a new place to live.” The coldness in his eyes is the only other answer he gives me. I’m frozen to the floor, and my mouth opens and closes repeatedly. My throat constricts. I don’t think I can breathe. Without another word, I pivot and run as fast as I can out of his place. I barely make it inside Donovan’s condo before I throw up both pints of beer.

Chapter 43

Cost of a Secret

Colby

Standing still like I didn’t give a fuck while hurt played across Jackie’s beautiful face took every ounce of my willpower, and I physically vibrated as I fought not to break. It takes a Herculean effort not to run after her and confess the truth. That I would never step out on her, that I can’t even look at another woman, that she’s all I think about. That she’s wrecked me. That I’m consumed, and I’ve never felt anything like this before.

That it terrifies me.

That I love her. Worship her. More than I ever thought I was capable.

That I am head over heels, ass over tea kettle, and every other metaphor ever written about being in love. She’s it for me. I am so gone for her. And it’s killing me that she’s gone.

Love songs talk about a broken heart, and until now I thought that was also metaphor-speak. But it’s not. I feel like that organ beating inside my chest is literally demolished and on life support. It physically aches, like a spear to the kidney or a puck to the face does.

Jackie’s got to be thinking I’m an epic asshole, and I tell myself it’s better if she keeps believing it. Let’s face it. I am because of what I let her walk out of here believing.

There’s good news in this mess, though. Jackie gets to keep living with her brother, and that’s huge, considering she’s not making any money right now and could lose her job altogether. I also get to keep hiding what I did to Lindsey all those years ago. The coward in me prevails. The closer Jackie and I became, the more inevitable it was that the truth would come out. And I never wanted her to know. Now she won’t. If she did find out, she’d walk out of my life anyhow. Rock, meet hard place. Either way, I lose.

Watching Dylan get helped off the ice because he couldn’t fucking skate on his own ripped me up in more ways than I can fathom. The image takes me back to that other memory I try to keep locked away. Lately, though, it’s trying to break its seal, and I’m having a hard time containing it.

Though I’m exhausted, I toss and turn in a restless sleep. We don’t have many practices this time of year—Coach wants to minimize the wear and tear on our bodies—but we still need to go in and watch tape, spend time in the gym, and get treatment for our various aches and pains.

Harper does a damn fine job avoiding me, but I finally corner him as he exits the rink. “Don’t know if your sister told you, but I’m the one who started things between us.”

“To get back at me,” he snarls.

The “revenge play” Blue mentioned? I’ve got to set that ridiculous notion straight.

“No. I just … She’s special.”

His glower intensifies. “Know why I hate the idea of you with her?” He doesn’t wait for my answer. “The last guy she trusted nearly destroyed her life. I’m not standing by while she makes the same mistake twice.”

I’m not him! I want to shout. Instead, I say, “Look, we were done a while ago. Even before the marshmallow contest. She wised up and kicked my ass to the curb. So you don’t need to make her move out.”

“Not up to you, jackass,” he snorts.

“I know that,” I snap. “I’m just saying she needs a place to live—especially now with her fucked-up job situation. Since I’m not in her life anymore, there’s no reason to—”

“If you’re not in her life, then why the hell are you standing here trying to convince me to let her stay with me? She lied to me. And it was a pretty big fucking lie.”

My fists clench at my sides. “Goddamn it, don’t you get it? She had to keep it from you for this very reason. More than anything, she didn’t want to let you down.”

“Too late for that.”

This dickhead has me on the verge of detonating. “She needs you in her corner right now! You’re all she’s got.”

Coach materializes out of nowhere and casts skeptical glances between us. “Everything all right here, boys?”

“Peachy,” I grumble.

“Just a friendly chat, Coach,” says Harper.

Coach gives me the hairy eyeball. “Chase, why don’t you finish getting cleaned up?”