Page 68 of Forbidden Forward

I push out a gust of air, followed by another, then clear my throat. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“Depends.” She sounds like her nose is out of joint—because I put it there.

“On what?”

“On whether you’re going to insist on meeting him and giving him the nth degree before slapping on your seal of approval.”

My shoulders droop. “Am I that bad, Lins?”

“No, but you need to get it through your thick skull that I. Am. Fine. I have accepted what I can and can’t do—far better than you have, I might point out—and I’m at peace with it. I have been for a long time. What hurts my heart is that you still blame yourself for something that wasn’t your fault.” I want to argue that it was, but I shut up. “Living the life I choose also means I’m free to pursue relationships and explore what that’s like, even get my heart broken if that’s the way it goes. Colby, I’m living my best life.”

“And you don’t think I am?”

“You wear your guilt around your neck like a millstone, so no, I don’t think you are.”

My sister’s words are like daggers that slice into me and twist.

She continues, probably because I’m left speechless. “You’re a good man, Colby. One of the best I know, and I’m proud to call you my brother.”

In the ensuing silence, I pull some of my shattered pieces together and go for the deflection. “So if I’m one of the best men you know, that means you know at least one more. Is he the guy you’re hiding from me?”

Her light laugh lifts me. “Dad’s one too, and yes, Sean is also one.”

“Sean,” I repeat, my voice as flat as a pancake.

“And I’d like you to meet him sometime. He reminds me of you.” She gasps. “Ew. That sounded wrong. I just meant he’s a good guy. Maybe you can bring Jackie out here this summer so we can meet each other’s significants.”

My silent answer is a hard no. And it’s not only about Harper’s hatred for me. The exact reason why escapes me, but I’m aware of the building blocks arranging themselves inside me that won’t allow it.

“Colby?” Lindsey prods.

“I’m here, but I need to go.”

She lets out a defeated sigh. “Jackie may be the one for you, but you won’t know unless you let go of the past and let her in. You’ll never be happy until you do that.”

“I’m fine,” I lie.

“Oh, sure you are,” she scoffs. Her tone turns serious again. “Colby, no matter what you tell yourself, you’re not happy right now. I love you, and I want to see you live your best life too. Just think about it.”

I’m happy when I’m with Jackie pops into my brain without my permission. But I can’t allow myself to go any farther.

Chapter 31

The Brittle Zone

Jackie

The condo is quiet when I step inside. Closing the door behind me, I lean my back against it and release a long sigh. I miss Colby. As soon as I pulled out of that parking lot and watched him grow smaller in my rearview mirror, I felt the empty spaces open inside me.

Is it possible to fall in love with someone in a day? Maybe. Then again, I’ve been getting to know Colby for six weeks now, falling for him in increments so small I didn’t see them sneaking up on me.

God, if I had to fall for someone, why did it have to be Captain Colby?

Picking up my bag, I head for my room and start to unpack. On top lays his black button-down I wore this morning, and I pull it out and hold it up to my nose, sniffing like a tracking dog.

A metallic scraping noise comes from outside my room, jolting me. Donovan’s home! I wad up Colby’s shirt and toss it into the back of my closet.

“Jack? You home?” my brother calls.