Page 99 of Forbidden Forward

Do I want to bite? No, I do not. But I do anyway. “What theory is that?”

Her voice softens. “I think you’re afraid to get close to anyone after what happened to me. You think you’re going to hurt them too. That’s why you’ve never had a steady girlfriend. You’ve pulled away from Jackie because you’re afraid of what she’ll say or do when she learns the truth. But beyond that, you’re worried you’ll do something to harm her, even though you would never mean to.”

Thunk. Arrow dead center to the heart. How does my little sis do that?

“You’re way off base,” is my brilliant response.

“I see you, Colby James.”

Who else said that to me recently? Oh, right. Jackie. “Well, I don’t see how since we’re not Facetiming.”

“Har, har, har. Nice try. As for Jackie’s job, I heard from a little mouse—”

“Named Peggy,” I interrupt. “Why is it Peggy talks to you and not me? Especially about confidential board stuff?”

“I never said it was Peggy.” My sister sniffs. “And if it was, I would have coaxed it out of her. I’m sneaky like that.”

This pulls a chuckle from me. “Ain’t that the truth.”

“Anyway, a reluctant little mouse who loves me might have let slip that there’s some doubt the demand letter New Horizons received is authentic.”

A jolt of excitement has me gripping the wheel. “You mean, like it’s not real?” The light turns yellow, and I slide to a stop, eager to find out what my sister knows. The dude behind me honks angrily. Sure, I could have made it through, but I need to concentrate. I give the guy a friendly wave instead of the bird I want to fly.

“There’s a possibility.”

“So someone made up a fake letter and sent it to New Horizons? Why am I not hearing this? I’m on the board.”

“A plain old board member. You didn’t want to be involved in the day-to-day, remember? Your wishes have been respected, and this is why Peggy, as governance chair, gets all the juicy stuff.”

“Like there’s been anything juicy at New Horizons before,” I snort.

“Anyway,” my sister huffs, “Jackie did some digging, and now a bunch of people are involved. You really should talk to her.”

The light turns green, and I delay a second or three to really piss off the guy behind me. Sure enough, I get another blare of his horn. In return, I give him another wave.

God, I wish I could talk to Jackie! I miss her. If I lost a lung, I couldn’t miss it more than I do her. If I hadn’t stepped out of her life, would she have called me to tell me what she found out? Would we be collaborating right now? Would she be moving in with me because her idiot of a brother locked her out?

Shit. Fuck. Damn.

Why did I mess up the best thing that’s ever happened to me? Sadly, I remember exactly why.

Chapter 44

Fictional Playbook

Jackie

Hockey season is almost over, and the Surge are still hanging on by a thin piece of tape. Colby’s getting more ice time, and he’s taking full advantage. The coaching staff even throws him onto the second line occasionally, especially when they need a defensive zone face-off win. I love watching him play, and I’ll be glued to the TV when they play their last road game in LA tonight, but I won’t attend the final home game two days from now. It hurts too much to be that close and not be able to touch him or talk to him.

My mind takes a detour down a dark alley. They arrived in LA yesterday and had a free night. Free time to enjoy everything LA’s vibrant nightlife has to offer. Some of the guys no doubt hit a few clubs, and I can’t help but wonder if Colby was alone. I hate the seed of doubt my brother planted, but Colby gave it everything it needed to grow. I try to rip it out by its roots, but it’s as stubborn as bindweed and finds a way to come back.

As I settle in to watch the Surge play, I watch Colby through a sharp lens. Watch how he engages the other team. Watch him as he chirps and yaps and provokes. Watch the way he wields that perma-smirk and the reactions it earns him. Funny how none of that shows up when he’s at the helm of the Gail, or when he’s patiently teaching the kids he views as his. He really is a chameleon, but not in a Randy Grubbs sort of way. Randy’s varying personalities are calculated to steal from others, whereas Colby’s shifts are driven by twin desires to both protect and atone. Randy does what he does for his own greedy gains. Colby’s motivation has nothing to do with personal benefit; his inner engine is fueled by giving, by touching others in a way that makes their lives better. The men could not be more different.

My train of thought derails when an agitator on the other team takes a swing at my brother. Donny dodges the worst of it, but the next shift belongs to Colby and his line, and he’s ruthless in his defense of his teammate. The other team’s troublemaker is on the bench, so Colby goes after their best player. He doesn’t throw punches, and he doesn’t pull any cheap shots that could land him in the penalty box. Instead, he runs his mouth. Non. Stop. The trademark smirk is plastered on his face, and it’s no secret their number one wants to remove it permanently—which mentally takes that player out of his game.

Colby’s using every weapon in his arsenal to protect, except it looks a little different than the way he takes care of the kids … or me. The more I observe and understand, the more I realize how much I love this man. That love balloons with every tick of the play clock. It’s big love, and it’s so overwhelming tears roll down my cheeks. My arms ache to wrap around him at the end of the game, sweat and stink and all, and to feel his tighten around me. I want him to be all mine, but I don’t see how I can make that happen when he’s retreated into a hard shell that’s been years in the making. So many tears fall they blur the rest of the game.

When I wake the following morning, my eyes are red and puffy. No amount of cucumber slices or makeup can take away the evidence of my crying, so I give up. One advantage to being jobless is I don’t have to look presentable. I can slouch in my food-stained sweats, unwashed hair, and blotchy face. It’s great to be unemployed.