Page 241 of Out of Left Field

I nodded towards the pool bar. We were between sessions. In fifteen minutes I had a pitchers-only strategy meeting and Seth would be teambuilding with the other outfielders.

I could practically feel Rhett Ryan’s disdain from here. He hated forced activities. To say he resented the hell out of this weekend was an understatement.

Of course that may also have to do with the fact that he was forced to watch his cousin with Seth.

“Well, I did start the day a couple of miles away.” I pointed to Flamingo Island.

The bartender slid fresh glasses of beer our way. Seth held his up towards mine, clinking them together. “And you’re acting like you still are. What happened last night?” He raised his eyebrows.

He desperately wanted me to admit Willa and I had crossed that line. But I wouldn’t betray Willa like that. “I realized just how much of a selfish asshole I’ve been.”

“Ah, she chewed you out finally?”

“Something like that. But it’s more than that.”

He raised those hopeful eyebrows again.

“I realized how few people Willa lets into her inner circle. We were best friends but it was more than that, you know? We were her family.” If I’d shut Isaac out like that I’m not sure he’d ever forgive me.

But Willa was still here. Her fear was real, but so was her hope. I hung everything on that.

“Yeah.” Seth stared out at the horizon as he sipped. “Her dad’s coming to visit.”

Something else I didn’t know. “When?”

“Wednesday, I think? Got him tickets to the games on Thursday and Friday.”

A combination of jealousy and anger hit me like a freight train. “You two are as tight as ever.” I knew this and yet…I didn’t know.

“Yes. We are.” He said that with the ice of an older brother who wasn’t happy with the man in front of him. “We never stopped, Ev. She’s my best friend. I wake up beside Annalise, but my first text of the day is Willa. We probably text a few dozen times a day. She leaves me voice notes and I do the same. She’s my favorite person who isn’t my fiancee.”

Not me. He didn’t even mention me. Because I was a shit friend. I talked to Seth more than I talked to Willa but that was a pretty low bar. And since returning to baseball I still held everyone at arm’s length. We saw each other everyday but I didn’t shoot him a text just to say hi. I didn’t send him things I found funny for the hell of it. I used to tell Seth and Willa everything. Going without talking to them was like drowning.

Seth leaned forward. “You know I miss you, right?” He waved his hand back and forth. “You’re here, but you’re still holding back. When shit got hard you ditched us, and that hurt like hell. Willa and I…we thought we were just as much family to you as your real one. I don’t know what made you drop us or why you still don’t trust us, but it hurts, man. And as much as I want something between you and Willa to finally happen, I get that she might never give you a chance. Not until you decide to let us back in.”

The truth hurt. “I do trust you.”

“Doesn’t seem like it. You used to talk to us. Willa’s been in town for months and you still barely reach out to her. We see each other every damn day and you’re practically a stranger. If someone asked me about you I’d have to rely on what I knew in college to answer. You’re Fort Knox, Ev. It has to be damn lonely living like this.”

“It is,” I admitted. I hadn’t realized how lonely I was because I had Isaac and Rosie. The island was full of busybodies and old friends. I was surrounded by people to distract me but the only person I let in at all was Isaac, and I was pretty sure he’d agree with Seth. I kept most of my thoughts to myself, didn’t want to burden anyone with my troubles, kept emotional connections to the bare minimum.

“You got the yips and acted like you were the only athlete to ever lose their stuff. The harder we tried to help you, the further you pushed us. You acted like you had the fucking plague and keeping us away was for our own good.”

I should have ordered a second beer to swallow down the medicine Seth was dishing out. “I’m trying to stop.”

“Try harder.”

I clamped my mouth shut. There was no point getting angry. I did this to myself and my friend was simply putting me where I belonged. “I am.”

Seth stared at me. “Good. I miss what we used to have. It’s special to find people you want to spend every minute of every day with. People you can trust with every good and bad thing about you.” Then he grinned. “Okay maybe not every minute. Only Annalise gets those now.”

I shook my head. Seth had changed a lot too, but he was still the same guy in most ways. But I understood him because I felt the same way about Willa. I cleared my throat. “Something did happen last night.” I wasn’t going to break my promise to Willa but that didn’t mean I couldn’t trust Seth with a shred of the truth.

His hopeful eyebrows went up again and shot me that lopsided grin. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. You’re right. I’m fucking in love with her. Like, stupid in love with her.” I caught his gaze. “I want her.”

He jerked back, his mouth falling open. Then he set his beer aside before he dropped it. “Holy shit. Holy shit!”