Page 24 of Secondhand Soul

“In a cemetery at night?” Lazarus looks stunned.

I shrug. “I don’t know. I think about death a lot.” It’s my line of work.

It started a whole new life for me when she died. When I lost her, I lost myself.

“Sometimes I think I’m the one who should be six feet under,” I whisper, and it’s not a lie.

“Hey! Hey, no. Grief can make you think all kinds of things, but the world is gonna be a better place with you in it, Victoria. Especially now. If you made it to Pine Ridge, you’re gonna land on your feet,” he encourages, standing up and settling back into his chair, patting my knee. “If I can make it here, you can, too. And if you’re worried about that mobster ex or his goons chasing you down, well, don’t be. Manny and I can handle them. Believe me,” his smile turns grim, “I’m good in a fight.”

I think about the video they forced me to watch, the sea of limbs and blood. “I bet you are,” I whisper.

“You looking for work?” he asks suddenly.

I nod.

Looking right at my work, right now.

But also, yeah. I’m looking for a way out. A way to something new. I kept thinking I would know the way out when I saw it. Maybe this gorgeous gray man with all his scars is actually my angel with an exit plan.

“Manny and Rhea are gonna need to go on maternity and paternity leave soon. Like, possibly real soon. If Rhea showed you how to work the billing system and I helped you learn the parts catalog and ordering system, and you can answer phones, you could work here. With me. I’ll handle the shop. You handle the office. You can sleep up here until you get enough money for your own place. I know it. I know you could do it. I know they’d help you. They helped me.”

“I can’t do that,” I whisper, awed. I bite my lip, heart beating with a new kind of adrenaline.

“You could. Or you could keep running. But for a week or two, I’m gonna bet you’re in no position to run.” He gestures to all of me with a pitying smile. “You’re gonna be sore tomorrow.”

He’s right. Too sore to run. Too sore to fight. Or kill.

And maybe I won’t need to—not here.

Not with him.

I erase that last thought. I don’t know what will happen with him. With us.

There is no “us,” Victoria. But he is offering you a way to buy some time and decide some things. So many things.

“Thank you,” I rasp out, wiping my eyes. “I would really like to try a new life.”

Chapter Nine: Lazarus

I don’t know what to feel, but I feel something. A new thing. An odd, wriggling, can’t-quite-pin-it-down thing.

I think it’s a weird, scary thing called hope. Or happiness.

Hope-y? I’m hope-y.

What if Victoria stayed here? And we see each other every day? She works next to me. Lives upstairs from my job.

I could have a friend.

Someone scarred in little ways, not as bad as me, but still messy inside.

So beautiful outside.

I shake myself and try not to think about that.

Although my mind doesn’t always want to take orders. There was a second, a strange, fleeting moment, when I thought she looked at me and her eyes were startled in an appraising way.

For a second, I didn’t feel ugly.