Page 76 of Man Advantage

“You have to stop assuming I won’t want you if you’re no longer on the ice,” Cole said. “As for who you are without the pads and stick, we’ll figure that out together. You have to trust me on that.”

Ford looked down. Cole was close enough that the toes of their shoes nearly touched. “I’m trying.”

“I know.” Cole let the answer settle instead of demanding something larger. “And I can go when they call and still want to come home. I can want a better contract and still want you. Those things only become choices between us when you decide they are. I don’t need you to kiss me in the locker room or tell the team. But I can’t keep having you act like we’re building something together until hockey gets complicated. Then, suddenly, I’m a guest again, and you’re making plans for after I leave.”

“I’m scared you’ll leave.”

Cole’s expression broke, and Ford reached for him before he could hide it, catching Cole at the waist and pulling him close. Cole’s arms came around him, slower than they had the day before.

Ford pressed his face against Cole’s shoulder. “And I’m scared I already played my last game. I thought if I got ready for both, it wouldn’t destroy me when they happened.”

Cole’s hold tightened. “How’s that working?”

A laugh escaped Ford. It hurt, but not enough to make him let go. “Badly.”

“Yeah.”

Ford lifted his head. Cole was close enough to kiss, and kissing him would have been easier than finishing the conversation. Ford kept both arms around him and made himself speak.

“I’m scheduling the surgery.”

Cole’s breath caught. “Because you want to?”

“Because waiting won’t get me back to playing this season. If I want a chance at next year, I have to start rehab.” The season was over for Ford. Saying it to Cole didn’t make that hurt less, but for the first time, Ford could see something on the other side of it. “I’m calling Friedman when we leave.”

Cole nodded. He touched Ford’s jaw, giving Ford time to pull away.

Ford turned into his palm. Voices passed in the hall, close enough that his body tightened on instinct. Cole’s fingers started to fall away. Ford covered them before they could leave his face and held them there until the voices faded.

“I don’t know what happens to either of us next,” Ford said. “But I don’t want to keep sleeping beside you like you’ve already left.”

Cole searched his face, waiting for the rest of the promise. Ford couldn’t give him certainty about either of their careers, so he tightened his arms around Cole instead. “Come home with me. We’ll figure out tonight first.”

Cole lowered his forehead to Ford’s. He stayed there until Ford stopped listening for the door.

TWENTY-THREE

Ford pulled out his phone before Cole had fully stepped away. Cole braced for another delay, another reason to wait until the decision was easier. Instead, Ford called Friedman’s office, put the phone on speaker, and reached for him.

Cole took Ford’s hand as Friedman’s office answered. Ford gave his name, waited through the transfer, and kept his grip on Cole while the hold music filled the empty locker room.

“You don’t have to do it right now,” Cole said.

Ford looked at him. The fear was still there, stripped of every excuse he’d used to hide it. “I do.”

A nurse came on the line. “Mr. Callahan? I have Dr. Friedman’s notes here. You’re calling to move ahead with the procedure?”

Ford’s fingers tightened around Cole’s. “Yes.”

“The first opening is Wednesday morning. The hospital will call the day before with your arrival time. Assuming there aren’t any complications, you should be discharged that afternoon.”

Cole pulled out his phone and opened the team calendar. They left Tuesday and played Wednesday night. His stomach dropped, and the disappointment escaped in a rough breath before he could hide it.

Ford leaned over his shoulder. His attention settled on the road schedule, then shifted to Cole’s face. “What’s the next opening after Wednesday?”

“Dr. Friedman will be out of the office for two weeks after that,” the nurse said. “His next surgical opening would be when he returns.”

Ford muted the call. “I’ll take that one.”