Page 44 of Once Upon a Reckless Rogue

Gently, he took her hand. “Come with me to England.”

“I can’t.”

“You can,” he said, hating that his voice sounded so desperate. “We can get married and live with my mother and sister.”

“You can’t marry, remember? What about your spying?”

Deep down, Thomas knew a time would come, a time where he would have to give up this life. He just thought he’d be dead before it became an issue. “I can marry, but it will mean giving up this part of my life. After the last few months, I think I need a change in vocation.”

She sat down heavily on the bed. “What are you saying?”

He fell naturally to his knees. “I’m saying, come with me, marry me.”

“I cannot go to England.”

“Why not? What do you have here?” He touched her cheek, wet with tears. “You wanted to start over. Start over with me.”

“Oh, Tomas. You must know I can’t do this.”

“You can, but I know I have shocked you. Think on it and let me know by tomorrow.” He gave her a kiss on her forehead and stood to leave. “I think you will love England once you are there.”

Chapter Twelve

Elena watched him leave and sank to the floor. What was she to do? He had asked her to marry him. To go across the sea to England. However, nowhere in all his words had he said he loved her. How could she leave everything she had ever known to be with a man who did not love her? Oh, she knew that he cared for her, but was that enough?

If she stayed here and lived in her grandmother’s house, would she be happy? Happy in Spain without him? Her mind swirled in a confused mess of emotions. Elation that he cared enough to want her to go with him, but at the same time her heart was shattering little by little because a marriage without love was not something she had ever pictured for herself.

How could she leave here? She did not know English very well; the culture was so different from what she knew. Would she be persecuted for being Catholic? There was so much to consider, and he wanted an answer by tomorrow.

She drew up her knees and cried. Why had she insisted on going with him? She could have stayed with Christina and tended her garden. Kept on healing those around her. She suspected she had fallen in love with him before they had even left. Her mother’s village had been nothing but a destination. A faraway place. All the time she hoped he would fall in love with her and decide to stay. A foolish dream. She had pictured him sacrificing home for the heart, not herself. What a selfish person she had become.

One thing was for sure; he had not thought his plan through. All the reasons why it would be mad to marry her and take her to England. Not that she was considering it. How could she? She might love him, but she would not force him to stay. She would take her grandmother’s house and do her best to fit in here. To help the village, even if they did pity her for having her so-called husband leave her behind.

*

El alcalde showed them around the house. It seemed he cared little about proof of who she was and more about the rent he might get. The house was old and needed some repairs, but it was sturdily built and livable. At least it would be once it was cleaned up. The small garden out the back was overgrown and nothing like what Elena had before, but Thomas had faith she could work miracles in such a small space. That is, if she did not come back to England with him.

He had given her until tonight to give him her answer. The reason for seeing the house was to ensure she knew she had options. He wanted her to come with him; he loved her, but he would never force her into a decision that would not make her happy. They had never spoken about their feelings for each other out loud. Surely she knew his heart was hers. Every action he took was for her. Every time they made love, it was to show her that he loved her body and soul.

Inside him, he feared her saying no, for how was he to live without her? She had become such a part of him that losing her sucked all the joy he would have had about returning home and instead brought an overwhelming darkness he had not felt in years. The fact that she was making a list of necessary changes to the house left him no doubt he would be sailing home alone.

This had always been the plan. She would come to her mother’s village and start afresh, and he would return home to deal with his unfinished business.

“So, what do you think?” the mayor said, smoothing his balding hair.

“It needs work,” Thomas said.

“Yes,” said Elena. “The front door needs paint and is not hanging right. The windows don’t open all the way and some of the terracotta tiled floor is loose.”

“Of course. A house does not like to be empty. It becomes dull and dirty when it is not loved and lived in. Imagine its joy when you two bring children up here?”

Thomas examined the chimney in the kitchen to see if anything was blocking it so he would not have to look at Elena’s expression. “So will you do the repairs needed?”

“If you take the house.”

Thomas just nodded. He could not look at Elena. Where was his courage? It was like a heavy cloak weighing him down. He had to know her answer, and soon.

As they stepped out of the house, Elena turned to the mayor. “Do you have a healer or a doctor here?”