Page 35 of In Too Deep

Harrison could have left it there.

Instead, he found himself wanting Jake to understand.

“Chris knew me when I was still figuring out who the hell I was. We were young. We grew up together, really.” He paused, searching for a way to explain something he’d never had to put into words before. “There was never a point where I had to work out how to let him in. He was just…already there. He knew me. I knew him.”

Jake stayed quiet.

“With you, everything’s new.” Harrison rubbed a hand across his jaw. “I have to think about things I’ve never had to think about before. How much I tell you. How close I let you get. Whether I’m ready for whatever comes next.” He gave a small, frustrated shake of his head. “I’m forty-three years old, Jake. I shouldn’t feel like I haven’t got a fucking clue what I’m doing.”

“But you do.”

Harrison looked at him.

Jake’s mouth twitched. “With the sex bit, I mean.”

Harrison huffed a laugh. “Yes. I’m not worried about the sex.”

“No?”

“I can pretty much guarantee you’d like what I can do to you.” Harrison met his gaze. “What I want to do to you.”

Jake’s eyebrows shot up, the faintest flush appearing across his cheeks. “Alright.”

“And after your rather thorough demonstration earlier, I have a reasonable idea you could deliver what I like.”

Jake stared at him. “Reasonable idea?”

“Very informative.”

“Smug bastard.”

“You offered a demonstration.”

“You bloody asked for one.”

“And I’m glad I did.” Then Harrison turned serious. “What I don’t know is what happens afterwards.”

The amusement faded from Jake’s face. “Funny, that.”

Harrison frowned. “What is?”

“That’s the bit I don’t know either.” Jake rubbed the back of his neck. “I know how to meet someone. Flirt. Fuck. Leave.” He gave a small shrug. “Never had much trouble with any of that.”

Harrison knew.

“But this?” Jake gestured vaguely between them. “Talking. Staying. Wanting you to hold me after.” His mouth twisted, almost embarrassed. “Apparently wanting you still here when I wake up. Never wanted any of that before.” Jake finally met his eyes. “And now I do.”

The admission found somewhere unexpectedly deep.

“So…” Jake shrugged again, softer this time. “Maybe neither of us knows what the fuck we’re doing.”

Harrison gave a quiet huff of laughter. “That’s reassuring.”

“Aye.” Jake smiled. “Thought it might be.” He then wriggled closer, kissed him, lips lingering over Harrison’s. “Stay the night.”

Harrison drew in a sharp breath, caught off guard.

“No one’s ever stayed before. Not like that, anyhow.” Jake shrugged. “Shared a bed with Teddy. Shared one inside. But not…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Not with someone I wanted there. So that’ll be new for me, too.”