Page 47 of Obnoxious Bad Boy

Aaron looks up at me with those big green eyes. “Like what?”

I’m angry just thinking about it. “Like the fact that he didn’t get the idea behind my tattoo designs, and we did have very different values overall. He was a party boy, and I’m focused on my business. I’m proud of what I achieved, and I’m gonna do everything in my power to stay at the top of the game as long as I can.”

“But you go to parties all the time…”

I snort. “Nah, I go because that’s the image I need to present, but I rarely stay a long time. My ex? He loved it. He’d stay till morning, drink all night. He also really wanted to be out as a couple, and I couldn’t do that. He had a social media presence, and I think he was angry that he didn’t get to capitalize on being my partner, you know?” I ask, catching Aaron’s gaze. “He officially came out after we split, two years ago, but he had this wholesome image, and there was a huge backlash from his fanbase. He kind of disappeared after that. And... yeah, I’m not letting that happen to me.”

A part of me worries that Aaron is also after the persona I project to the world and might be disappointed by the real Vex, but I’ve made my peace with the fact that what I can offer might not be enough for the type of guy I really like.

“So you don’t want a boyfriend until you can be out?” he asks, and while I feel it’s a loaded question, I need to manage his expectations. He’ll be finishing university in a few months, so what’s the point of making both our lives difficult when we can have fun and then part on good terms?

“Yes. In the future, I will want a relationship, but I can’t do this while in the closet. It’s too stressful for both people involved. Sorry.” I give Aaron an uncertain glance.

“It’s okay. You need to do what’s right for you,” he mumbles with a shrug. I know this is a disappointment, but it’s better that he gets over it sooner rather than later. “Wanna try mounting him? It’s not hard, especially when you’re so tall.”

He’s changing the topic, but at least he doesn’t seem to absolutely hate me, so I look up at the huge animal, and my knees go a bit weak from staring at it, almost like I’m experiencing fear of heights in reverse. “Me? I don’t know, he’s so big it’s kind of intimidating,” I admit, trying to act cool regardless of my words.

Aaron pats my chest. “You’re big, and I’m not too intimidated to mount you.”

Now that’s a challenge. I smile at him.

“Okay, fine, what do I do?” I ask, wiping my sweaty hands on my pants.

Aaron seems to have swallowed his disappointment and instructs me until I end up on horseback, staring at him from this living, breathing biotank.

I ride motorbikes and drive cars, I’ve been in fights and dealt with painful wounds. It seems random that an animal as calm as this one has a leg-softening effect on me, but I can’t back out now without embarrassing myself, so I grab the cantle at the front of the saddle and tighten my thighs as Snowley moves, making me feel like I’m about to be catapulted forward.

But as promised, Aaron walks the horse at a gentle stroll. As I’m gaining confidence, the earlier adrenaline turns into exhilaration, and I grin like an idiot, but fortunately, my boy’s facing forward, and he's one step ahead of me. I’m a city rat, but right now, I reimagine myself as a Wild West outlaw, on his way to shoot up a bank.

It’s so sweet that Aaron planned this for me. We might not be a couple, but we’re getting closer, and I’m eager to learn about things he considers important. If Snowley is his only other friend apart from this Matt dude, then I’m honored to have met him.

“I dread the future sometimes,” Aaron says after a long, but comfortable silence.

It’s such a strange thing to say out of the blue that I focus on his profile, seeking any indicators of what he means. “Why?” I end up asking as we continue walking down the path.

“I know it’s ungrateful of me, since here I am, with the horse that my parents bought me, but I can’t help it. They mapped out my future and never asked if it’s what I want. They accepted me as gay when I came out, but then instantly switched from trying to set me up with their friend’s daughters to doing the same with their sons. Like I’m only allowed to exist within a rigid framework of their expectations. I can study literature as long as I also take classes that pave the way for a future law degree. I can be gay as long as I eventually settle down with an equally respectable gay man. Maybe that’s why I understand you. You’re also just trying to do your thing, your way. But with much more courage and conviction than I have.”

I watch his shoulders from above, because this jars expectations. A part of me rages at the comparison he made, because there have been times in my childhood, when I could count on neither food nor safety, while his battle is related to his parents wanting things in return for their care. He can’t possibly understand what real struggle is, and while I know I’m not being fair, since everyone has their own issues, I can’t help feeling disgruntled over the whole thing.

“They clearly care for you.”

I can’t see Aaron’s face when he walks in front of Snowley, but it’s impossible to miss his shoulders slouching. “In their own way. I know it’s selfish, but I’d want them to see me for me, not who they envision me to be.”

I chose myself a pampered kitten, so I probably shouldn’t be upset that he only wants to drink the sweetest cream.

“At least they’re fine with you and your hobbies. My dad thought I’m wasting time with drawing and art. He actually threatened the lady who kindly taught me, even though she did it for free.”

He glances back at me, all serious. I’ve mostly seen him with that guarded expression at the cafe, before I invited him over and found out how cute his smile is.

“Who was she?”

I smile. I got used to the steady movement of the horse, and now that I’m rocking with it, it’s kind of pleasant. “She did woodblock printing. She lost a lot because of an illness and ended up living in the same street as us. Dad often dumped me with her as free babysitting. She was the one who introduced me to this technique and its history, and it got me interested in art.” I sigh, looking at the sun shimmering between the leaves ahead. I feel at ease with him in ways I don’t even in my studio. Even by myself. It’s as if his presence has a soothing effect on my overly reactive nerves, and for once the need to perform is not there. “She’s no longer with us, but if I never met her... I don’t know, maybe I’d be in prison with my dad right now.”

“I’d be the first in line to send you smutty letters. We’d have a sexy code, and over time, you’d figure it out, and then I’d break you out. We’d have to run away together”

I laugh and take my foot out of the stirrup to nudge Aaron’s shoulder. “To hide on your parents’ property? Bet they’d like that—their little boy getting railed by an escaped convict.”

He snorts. “What they don’t know doesn’t hurt them.”