Page 49 of Epidermis

Konrad explained the importance of deglazing a pan before handing Jasper the spatula to let him do it, beaming when Jasper followed his instructions to the letter, as if he hadn’t been sure he was listening. Jasper didn’t take that personally. He knew from experience how it felt to go on and on about a special interest and realize the person “listening” had completely tuned him out and was just nodding at the appropriate times. So he knew Konrad’s surprise was the mark of past disappointments and not due to low expectations in Jasper himself.

That smile made the words in Jasper’s throat rage against their captivity. He could feel them trying to climb out, into existence where he couldn’t take them back.

“The weather was most unfortunate when I first learned to prepare this dish,” Konrad said, adding pearl onions to the pan. “Bitterly cold. I was sent outside to collect the onions from the garden, and it started pouring rain like you’ve never seen. Alas, the coq au vin was at a critical stage, so I finished learning while my hair and clothes dripped quite the puddle on the kitchen floor. I had never willingly made such a mess, but I was eager to learn.” A nostalgic smile curved Konrad’s lips as he spoke, and Jasper’s chest was too tight, like his ribs were trying to wring the affection from his heart.

He couldn’t speak. Konrad kept cooking, kept teaching, and Jasper focused on that until he couldn’t. Until they were nearly done, their aprons removed and set aside, and Konrad was letting him pour the wine reduction into the pan.

“Ask me again,” Jasper said. He was startled to hear the words out loud and poured too fast, wine splashing out of the pan, a few splatters hitting the stovetop. He put the sauce pot down with shaky hands.

Konrad was still for a moment, stunned, but then he turned Jasper to face him, staring with an intensity that made Jasper feel dizzy. When he spoke, his voice was husky with emotion but resolute with conviction. “Allow me to be with you, Jasper. Until you believe in my dedication to remaining at your side, and after.”

“Okay,” Jasper whispered.

“I must warn you that I may be what is considered ‘clingy.’”

Jasper laughed, licking his thumb and wiping away a drop of wine clinging to Konrad’s cheek. “That’s okay.” It was an inelegant, uncouth way to clean him that he didn’t think Konrad would allow from anyone else, and it only made his smile widen that Konrad tilted his face down to let Jasper do as he liked. Jasper dropped his hand back to his side, but his gaze stayed where it was—on Konrad, held there by the warmth in his dark brown eyes.

“May I kiss you?”

Jasper’s heart stumbled over a beat as he laughed again, softer this time, disbelieving. No one had ever asked. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

Konrad took his face between his hands and dipped his head to kiss Jasper, rather than making him lean up. The sheer tenderness in the kiss made Jasper go honest to god weak in the knees. He’d expected hunger, and in a way that was what he got, but it didn’t feel like hunger for sex. It was more like the hunger for oxygen. Konrad kissed him like he needed him. Jasper wrapped his arms around Konrad’s neck, letting himself sink forward. Their bodies met seamlessly, the softness of Konrad’s middle fitting into the dip of Jasper’s stomach, concave from how his arms stretched upward. He wondered if Konrad could feel his heart pounding.

“Konrad,” he whispered without fully breaking the kiss, letting his words brush against Konrad’s lips. “I want you to do more than kiss me. If you want to. If you don’t, it’s okay. This… this is good. Just this.”

He’d never voiced his wants so freely, and it felt a bit like he’d opened his chest and let Konrad see the thing that had started to beat for him.

“Oh, Jasper. Elskede.” Jasper heard the click of a burner being turned off, and then Konrad was reaching down to curl his hands around the back of Jasper’s thighs. He picked him up, and Jasper wrapped his legs around him, his arms still around his neck. Jasper kissed him as Konrad carried him through the kitchen and other rooms that didn’t matter as Jasper let his eyes slip shut. He broke away when Konrad started up the stairs, making his way instead to Konrad’s jaw, then his ear. Jasper gave the earring a gentle pull with his teeth and felt Konrad’s shiver all around him. When they slowed in front of a door, Jasper twisted the knob, not wanting either of Konrad’s hands off him yet.

A single floor lamp was on in the massive bedroom, and the realization that he was in Konrad’s room somehow felt more intimate than the press of Konrad’s erection against him through their clothes. It was all dark wood and deep, dark blues, sensual and serene at the same time. The whole room smelled like Konrad. Jasper felt utterly surrounded by him, and overwhelmingly safe.

Konrad lowered him to sit on the edge of the bed and Jasper looked up at him. He reached up for Konrad’s buttons and asked, “This okay?”

“Anything is okay, darling. If it’s you.”

Jasper felt both helpless and powerful as he unbuttoned Konrad’s shirt. He leaned forward to kiss the skin he exposed, nosing against a silvery happy trail as he pushed the shirt down Konrad’s arms, folding it on the end of the bed instead of letting it drop to the floor. Konrad acknowledged his consideration with a squeeze of his hand on Jasper’s nape. From anyone else it would have felt like a controlling gesture, demanding, but it only made Jasper melt into him more.

He looked up as he undid Konrad’s belt and found Konrad already looking down at him, like he was witnessing something religious and not the mundane sight of Jasper’s black painted fingertips working his slacks open. Jasper pressed his face against Konrad’s boxers with a quiet groan, kissing him through them, feeling Konrad’s cock twitch in response. He’d never let anyone see him so wanton. No one had ever made him this way.

“Lie back against the pillows, please,” Konrad said.

He pressed one more kiss just above the waistband of Konrad’s boxers before pulling himself further up onto the bed to comply. He lay right in the middle with his head on the pillows, watching Konrad strip out of his slacks and underwear, then his sock garters and socks. Jasper might have requested the latter stay on, but tonight he wanted them both as bare as possible. Konrad joined him on the bed, kneeling on the mattress between Jasper’s feet and removing his socks. Jasper lifted his hips with the expectation of his pants being next and let out a startled sound when Konrad brought one of his feet to his mouth and kissed it.

“Konrad,” he gasped, intending to chastise, but it came out as questioning.

“You painted your toenails. They look lovely.” Konrad kissed the top of his foot, his thumb rubbing deep circles into the arch. “Are these for me, darling?”

Jasper had done more than paint his toenails for their date, but Konrad would figure that out soon enough. The effort had been more for his own benefit, to instill him with some confidence; he hadn’t expected Konrad to actually notice. The fact he did made Jasper smile stupidly. “Didn’t know you were into feet.”

“I’m into you, Jasper. In your entirety.”

Konrad held his gaze as he brushed his lips over his toes, then his ankle, still massaging with his thumb and making Jasper feel like he was turning to liquid on the bed. He took his sweet time moving up to divest Jasper of his pants, and Jasper’s fingers twisted nervously into the blanket as Konrad slid them down his legs. Konrad folded them and put them next to his own clothes, behind him at the foot of the bed, and Jasper swallowed as Konrad’s eyes fell to his boxers. They were closer to briefs, and they had a panel on each hip that was nothing but see-through black lace. The prominent jut of Jasper’s hipbones were visible through them, and the lace was pulled taut by his cock straining against the front.

“For me?” Konrad rasped.

Jasper’s chest tightened and he nodded. Konrad ran his hands up his thighs just to feel where his skin gave way to lace, and there was nothing to call his expression other than reverent. He unbuttoned Jasper’s shirt and spread it open. “Du er så smuk.”

“Come closer.” Jasper needed to be able to touch him.