Page 6 of Saving Texas

When she didn’t respond I added, “It’s been a minute, it would be good to get to know you again, especially now that we’re living in the same city. After all, we were friends once. Maybe a bit more.”

She stepped around me. “I need to get back to work. Goodbye.”

“But—.”

“I said goodbye.”

Clara

I’d been a little harsh with Allen, rude even, and I felt more than a little bit bad about it.

I knew that he’d grown up in the Houston area, but I never once considered that he might still live here. Over the years, I’d stopped thinking about him so much, other than the occasional times when he’d pop into my head as a fun memory. Or a sexy dream.

I certainly hadn’t been prepared to see him, let alone been prepared for how much seeing him would affect me. I’d panicked and gone into self-preservation mode.

I recognized the look of excitement in his eyes. Even though he was a middle-aged man now and we hadn’t seen or talked to each other since that one night we were together years ago, he’d looked happy to see me. Too happy.

For a moment I’d felt the same. Then I remembered that the Clara I’d been back then was long gone, and that the past was always best left in the past. I’d changed a lot over the years, and I was sure he’d changed too.

Allen had always been intense, but now he looked battle worn. Hard. At least until he’d recognized me, then his eyes had softened. I didn’t want anyone to soften when they looked at me. Not anymore. Allen wasn’t the only one who’d seen things that had changed them. It was better if we both remembered the people we used to be, before life wore us down. I’d rather have been rude to him than lead him on at all.

After updating my chart notes into the electronic medical record, I slunk back to my office and closed the door. Harrison was assigned to one of my residents now. I might as well get an early start on my paperwork. It wasn’t like I was hiding out in my office and avoiding Allen. That would just be stupid.

The next day Adie knocked on my office door, then walked in carrying a potted lily. White flowers were surrounded by dark green leaves. It was simple but beautiful.

“Looks like you have an admirer already, Doctor.” Her eyes were curious as she looked at me. “There’s a card here.”

“Thanks Adie.”

She lingered for a moment after setting the plant on my desk, but when I didn’t move she got the hint and skedaddled. After she left, I plucked the card out of the blooms, assuming the plant was from some grateful patient. I was wrong.

Clara, Thanks for taking care of my partner. Can we get together soon? I’d love to catch up & talk about old times. Allen

He’d written his phone number at the bottom, but I crumpled up the card and tossed it into the trash. Three points.

The next day there was a phone message from Allen asking me to call him, then another the following day, and then an email to my hospital account. I didn’t respond to any of them. I couldn’t say why I was continuing to be so rude, honestly. It wasn’t that I had any bad feelings towards Allen. In fact, all my feelings towards him were warm and fuzzy; they’d always been warm and fuzzy.

For months after we parted I’d daydream up scenarios where we were reunited at a time and place that allowed us to be together. I just hadn’t expected it to be seventeen years later while I was being choked by a patient.

The real problem was that the minute I’d seen Allen Jeffers for the first time in seventeen years, I realized something very inconvenient: I still had feelings for him. It had hit me like a lead pipe to the head. As ridiculous as it was, that was the truth. I knew the minute that our eyes met the other day that it would be easy to fall back into being obsessed with him, maybe even fall in love with him again, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. I was too broken for love.

As I’d thought about it more – and believe me when I say I’d thought of little else since I’d seen him – I realized that on some level I’d compared every man I’d been with to Allen and found them lacking, which wasn’t fair because it was all some fantasy. Surely it was one of those things where you built someone up in your memory. He couldn’t be that good. That attractive. That able to make me feel things that I usually never let myself feel.

And if he was, I didn’t want to know. It was safer that way.

I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised to find the squad car in front of my house a few days later. I noticed the car as I drove up the street on my way home from work. I saw the shape of a man leaning against the trunk and had known even from a distance that it was Allen. I’d been tempted to drive on by, but clearly he knew where I lived, so I might as well talk to him. He’d always been persistent.

“Did you mis-use police resources to find my address?” I snapped at him as soon as I parked and exited the car.

His eyes widened at my snippy tone. “Well hello to you too, darlin’.”

“Are you a stalker now?” I asked.

His eyes crinkled at the corners like he was hiding his amusement. I had the oddest sense that he knew my attitude was a protective shield, and I didn’t like that. I didn’t like it at all.

“Sorry to just drop by like this, but I seemed to be having a hard time gettin’ a hold of you.”

I folded my arms across my chest, ignoring the little thrill I got from his slow drawl.