Page 21 of Fated to the Grotesque

I didn’t want to dwell on the unnerving fact that I was able to conjure the image of him with such startling clarity. He wasn’t real, but that didn’t hinder my daydreams. No, they were evolving with kinkier elements by the second.

The two dreams combined into a sort of movie montage, playing across my mind’s eye. My core throbbed and I pressed my thighs together.

I opened my eyes and swore, shoulders tensing. There was no stain remover capable of erasing, or even lightening, the aubergine ink blot saturating the paper and bleeding through the center of the binding. That’s what I get for not replacing the cap. Not that I can ever find the damn thing when I needed it. I dabbed a finger into the wet ink, dying the pad a faded version of the hue. Well, at least it’s my favorite color. I can write around it. Would it annoy me every single time I had to deviate to avoid the large stain? Yes. Did I want to splurge and buy a new journal refill? Hell no. I wrote too often to discard perfectly good, custom-made paper. My lungs inflated as I inhaled and exhaled slowly. I will just have endure it.

Another thought prompted me to continue with my entry.

Am I so drawn to him because he isn't human?

Sure, I enjoyed most of my sexual experiences with women and men, but there was always something missing. An absent component. Either way, I didn’t know what it felt like to be fully satisfied. The enticing allure I felt pulling me to Bane remains unlike anything I've ever experienced, as if something in me fought against restraints chained to my sternum.

I admit, I want him.

I crossed-out the line.

He intrigues me but it can never go beyond anything physical.

I gingerly nibbled on the inside of my lower lip, then rolled my eyes while adjusting my glasses with forefinger and thumb. Ink glided over the page, forming a thick arrow pointing to my last sentence before adding an annotation.

Of course it can't, Miko. He’s. Not. Real. So, it could never be physical, unless you masturbated while thinking about your dreams of him.

Yet, the dreams felt impossibly real, the lust so tangible I ached with want. I revisited the memory, mind fogged with desire, remembering all I wanted him to do was just fucking kiss me already. Sure, I could've taken that first step, but that elusive, unknown something within me wanted to be dominated by him…to be taken without hesitancy or any questions regarding permission.

“What naughty thoughts you’ve been having, Miko,” a voice hummed.

The pen veered from my intended path, dragging a harsh line through everything I’d just written.

I tilted my head back and gaped at the pair of lips inches from my own, unable to form a coherent sentence. My eyes turned to slits as something dimpled the fabric of the armchair on either side of my head, squinting at the three distinct depressions. I blinked, but sure enough, those depressions were not remotely close to lining up with where his fingers sank into the material.

My stare flickered to Axel’s handsome face, my eyebrows furrowing, and observing the blond hair rakishly falling onto his forehead. It rippled, then turned a shade of gray, horn shaped blurs appearing close to his hairline. I rubbed my eyes, carefully searching his features, but all I saw was shaggy blond hair, a shiny white smile firmly in place.

My lips flattened and the skin on the bridge of my nose wrinkled, lifting my glasses slightly. Knowledge dropped like a rock into my stomach, my blood pressure rapidly rising, then a furious growl echoed around us.

CHAPTER 10

Axel who?

BANE

That adorable wee growl issuing from my honeybee does things to me.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, although I’m sure you probably will,” I mock whispered the second half of the sentence, “but you’re the cutest creature I’ve ever encountered in my existence.”

The pleasing sound abruptly cut off as if she didn’t know she was vocalizing her feelings until I pointed it out, her narrowed eyes and curled upper lip morphing into blank indifference. Still, she couldn’t erase the deep flush scoring her cheek bones, the drumming of her pulse, or her heated gaze.

No, I was learning all of her tells whether she liked it or not. She should let emotions out more often, else she’ll melt into a puddle of overstimulated soup.

She said nothing, her nostrils flaring as her tiny hands connected with my chest. Of course, I barely felt it, but I respected the Hell out of her for trying. My wings rustled as I stood to my full height, then jumped over the end table and crouched before her. I scanned her expression cautiously, hovering a hand just shy of touching the creamy skin of her cheek. “Now, Miko, is that any way to treat the man who brought you a coffee and a treat?” I admonished, nodding to the bag crumpled in her lap.

Her nostrils flared again and I bit my tongue, attempting to staunch the desire to boop her on the nose. My fingers twitched, eager to do just that but I restrained myself…for all of three seconds. Miko batted away my touch before it could skim the tip of her nose, straightening in her seat and shooting hatefire at me with her eyes.

“Remove it.”

“Remove what?”

“Whatever is allowing you to hide behind,” she elaborated, waving her hand up and down as if to indicate all of me, “this.”

I winked. “No idea what you’re talking about, Hen.” The temptation to tease her too grand to resist, I settled on continued mock innocence. My lips parted as I thought about what she’d just said, twisting the thumb ring.