Page 79 of Ember Rising

“I don’t think you should try to get on Jane’s back. Your stitches might break.”

“I can walk. She’ll carry supplies.”

There’s no point in arguing. I’m ready to go, too. The whole time we’ve been here, my discomfort about Briar has risen slightly each day. It’s not quite pain; more like a sense that she’s in pain. I feel helpless just sitting here on the other side of the continent, not knowing what’s happening with her.

Evander’s packed and ready within five minutes, his face leaner than it was when we got here. He hasn’t thanked me for saving him; if anything, he’s mad about it. I haven’t showered or eaten decent food for a long time, and I’m not feeling as forgiving as I was when I thought he was dying.

I approach him and Jane, meeting his gaze. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

He looks like he’s about to say something, but he seems to change his mind, looking away.

“I told you I was with someone after the virus,” I say, undeterred. “He didn’t like it when I asked questions, so I became quiet and compliant in the name of survival. I don’t do that anymore. We’re talking before we leave here.”

“If you have questions about the ILF, I can’t answer most of them.”

I bark out a bitter note of laughter. “That’s what you think I want to talk about? After all the things you said? About liking me and kissing me and not deserving me? And your parents?”

He narrows his eyes, glowering. “I didn’t know what I was saying.”

“Right, because you’d never tell me anything real if you knew you were doing it. Even though I’ve told you a lot about myself. I’ve told you about the training center, and the island, and⁠—”

He cuts me off, stepping closer to me. “What do you want me to say? My whole life has been about compartmentalizing. I had to put away my feelings about my dad so they didn’t swallow me whole. I picked a career I could lose myself in because I was so afraid of who I’d become. I lost the only relationship I had because I wouldn’t open up. I can’t be what you deserve.”

I move the final two steps separating us, cupping his cheek like I did so many times when he was asleep and unaware of it. Uncertainty flickers in his eyes, but he lets me.

“Have you ever abused a woman?” I ask softly.

He furrows his brow and closes his eyes. “No. I’ve always been ... afraid to even touch one. That’s why—” His voice breaks and he gives me a pleading look.

My heart skips as I hold his gaze, realizing this man I thought was an invincible rock has a weak spot I never would have guessed.

“Are you ... a virgin?” I ask.

“No.” He looks down. “It’s just been a really long time since I’ve been with a woman ... Nine years, actually.”

My whole body goes up in flames. We’ve been together around the clock for a month now, but I’m just seeing him for the first time. What I thought was cold indifference was just him protecting himself.

“I’m ... not ...” He clears his throat, fighting back emotion.

“Your honesty makes me want you more. And I do, Evander. I want you. You’re not the first attractive man I’ve been around since my former partner died, but I’ve never been drawn to any of them. I thought my lady parts had ... I don’t know, given up, I guess. But then⁠—”

He puts an arm around me, pressing his hand to the small of my back. Then he bends to rest his forehead on mine.

“If I could, it would be you,” he says against my lips.

Warm excitement courses through me. I’m only aware of his warm, powerful body and his hand on me. He’s in no condition for anything, even walking, right now, but knowing he wants me makes me glow inside.

“You can,” I whisper.

He bends a little more, his lips brushing over mine tentatively. I use my free hand to find the hand he has on my waist and I guide it to my face, pressing it to my cheek and leaning into his touch.

His massive hand covers half my face, his fingertips brushing my ear. I close my eyes and say, “Keep kissing me.”

He does, his lips wet when they meet mine. He’s gentle, his hand shaking slightly as I open for him, my tongue greedy to taste every bit of him. Releasing a shred of his control, he brushes his tongue over mine, a soft groan escaping him.

My pulse races, every nerve ending lighting up with desire for him. When a little moan slides from my mouth into his, he deepens the kiss, my sensitive lips brushing over his beard.

I never want the kiss to end, but he pulls away, his hand still cupping my face and mine still cupping his.