Page 68 of Everdoll

“You can suffer all you want. You’re human; it’s normal to suffer. Just… remember I’m here.” His voice trailed off into a broken whisper. “Take it out on me, yell at me. Just… don’t leave me. Think about my feelings, too.”

“Your… feelings?”

He shook his head. “Don’t look at me like that. You’re someone who can feel sympathy even for lifeless dolls. Can’t you spare a little of it for me?”

“Remi…”

He looked down, then pressed his lips together, couldn’t meet my eyes. “I’m alone, too. I… need you.”

I swallowed hard. My cheeks were burning, but I couldn’t find the right words. He stood before me, head bowed like a criminal confessing his sins. My always-composed, impossibly cool robot was trembling as though he were in pain.

But why?

Was it truly because he loved me? In this cruel world… was there still someone who needed me?

“Don’t…” I murmured. “Don’t need me.”

I’m useless. You shouldn’t need me.

“I do. I will.”

At his honest tone, pure pain welled behind my eyes. I couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“But why?” I choked out through my sobs. “Why do you need me? You have everything!”

“If I don’t have you, I don’t…”

“No, no, no! Stop lying to me! You also know I should die, too.”

“You should? Who told you that?”

“You! You told me! You said God takes the innocent to protect them. But look at me! I can’t die because I’m not innocent, right?”

“Of course you’re innocent. Mina, Mina… I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to…”

“No, you were right. I’m guilty.” I stopped shouting, my tone lower now. “I have to live in this world. This horrible, boring world! I’m trapped here forever.”

“No.” Remi tried to reach out to me; his voice sounded much more worried this time. “It might not be that bad. I’m here. I’ll live forever, I’m a robot, after all.”

“But I’m not!”

I sobbed for a few seconds, tears kept streaming down my face.

“I thought… I belonged somewhere. But I don’t. I’m not like you. I’m not like Angelica either. I’m all alone, and that’s how it’ll always be, I know.”

“No, no, I’m here…”

“And who are you?” I finally screamed. I drew a long breath to calm down, but my demons wouldn’t let me alone. What was I really doing? A life where I didn’t form a connection with anyone, relying solely on a robot…? A life where I can’t make anyone happy, except for a robot…?

“Mina…”

“You will never understand. But at least… give me a reason. A solution. Tell me… What am I supposed to do now?”

At my question, his eyes filled with anguish. I couldn’t understand why he looked so emotional. I wanted him to be logical and solution-oriented. Just like a robot. I was tired of emotions. With my own ones weighing me down, there was no room left for any others.

“Live.” he replied in a low tone, afraid to continue. “Please, live for me.”

“Live?” I repeated in whisper. “I tried, Remi. I tried to live. Waited to love living again. But it’s not happening.” I choked back the rising bitterness, a shaky breath escaped me. “I can’t love, Remi. I can’t love anything. Like there is… nothing left in the world. Nothing for me to be. No purpose for me. How can a person live like that? This world… is not for me.”