Page 55 of Everdoll

“You’d better get rid of Sebastian first.” Johanna chuckled bitterly.

“I will.”

Up until then, I had tried not to touch anything related to science or technology. Ever since my family died, I had done nothing but the tedious political work Loxton gave. I didn’t want to follow the path they had laid out for me, but I had no other choice now.

After all, that was the only solution I knew.

“And also… I’ll make a tracking device.”

“Are you serious? Why don’t you track her menstrual cycle too?”

I dipped my chin. “Great idea.”

Johanna burst out laughing.

“You have a colorful life, Raymond.”

Only if Mina was there.

Without her, it was lifeless. Colorless. And I was not enough to paint them again if she fell apart one day.

Even if I were to tear out my heart and place it in her hands, it wouldn’t change a thing. I needed power. Respect. Fear.

Perhaps… science.

How long was I supposed to resist?

Should I even resist at all?

If resisting meant losing Mina… what was so wrong with clinging to the very thing that violated my soul?

☾

I was in worse shape than usual.

My skin was numb, as if I were being strangled by an icy vine, my throat tight. Moving was much more difficult, all I saw was infinite darkness. My eyes fell on the star stickers Mina and I had stuck to the ceiling last year. I couldn’t even tell if they were real or just an illusion anymore.

My eyes caught the clock. Mina was late. Again.

Nowadays she didn’t talk to me about her day like she used to. She didn’t complain about the things annoyed her at school. She no longer grabbed me by the arm, went to the capital to eat desserts made from organic strawberries. The cheerful person she used to be was; perhaps she had simply stopped pretending—which I’d love—but I could sense there was more to it than that.

“What’s the problem?” I had asked several times. “Is this about Bernova? You shouldn’t worry about her that much.”

Mina had smiled weakly and nodded. “I’ll explain everything when the time comes, Remi. I’m sorry.”

There was something about Bernova. Even though I had told her several times not to get involved in family matters, Mina still believed she could make everyone in the world happy.

I wish you could just stay in this stupid, shiny utopia forever.

What makes everything even worse was that I no longer had the freedom to come to this house whenever I wanted. Never skipped night, but during the daytime, I was always in work.

People in Lesse had started favoring me more. Though Loxton helped me manage my circle, there were simply too many people and responsibilities. So many unnecessary things Mina isn’t involved in…

I could feel our worlds were slowly drifting apart. My paradise was slipping through my fingers, with her own free will, and I had long accepted there was nothing I could do about it.

When my vision finally cleared, I wanted to get some fresh air. I threw the cigarette butt in the trash, then opened the window. I had replaced it with this since Mina had said she wanted to use those stupid powders. It didn’t numb me the way the powder did, but it calmed my mind a little.

Gods knew how long I had been staring out the window. By the time I saw her enter the garden, it was dark, the clock was nearing midnight. Seeing her made my heart race. I had missed her so much; her scent, touching her hair, squeezing her soft cheeks…