Page 20 of Everdoll

“I know, you have every reason to hate me. I don’t blame you. But you shouldn’t blame either. I’ve spent years haunted by my regrets about you…”

“Regret?” he shot back. “That’s all I am to you?”

“No! No, I’m just saying I remember! So don’t ask me to forget. I can’t. I never did. I remember it all, and I regret it. What I did to you was cruel… horrible. I understand your anger, but you have to know I can’t keep living like this.”

“So it’s guilt for you, then.”

“Call whatever you want! Hate me as much as you want. Take your anger on me. I don’t know what I can do for you. After hurting you so much… I don’t know any way to make you feel better. Make you happy…” I drew a shaky breath, my voice rising. “You kept killing my clones, right? If that’s the only way to put an end to your hatred of me… Then kill me too! If the copies weren’t enough, kill me! Please!”

After finally getting years of unspoken words off my chest, I looked up at him. Oh. I was taken aback, this was strange.

Pure anguish was etched on his pale face.

“You speak of your own death so casually.” His tone was cold, yet I caught a hint of hurt in it. His indifferent eyes scanned me one last time, and just as he pivoted to leave, I called out to him again.

“You think I’m joking? You really think I wouldn’t die for you?”

His steps faltered so sharply that even I flinched. He turned, and the color drained from his face. He stared at me as if he were looking into the eyes of a murderer.

“What did you say?”

“I said, I’d die…”

“No, no, Mina…” The moment his lips parted to say my name, my breath caught. He’d called out to me countless times this night, but now his voice trembled with such a need…

Before I could process the tone, arms stronger than I could fight locked around me. Heat pressed against my waist and shoulders; my legs gave out, arms hanging lifelessly at my sides. I was too stunned to move. Gaining confidence, I lifted my hands to return the embrace, but Raymond pulled away, even though his hands didn’t follow. They stayed on my shoulders. His head dropped, hair falling forward, eyes somewhere on the floor between us.

“You won’t die for me.” He whispered, his voice shaking with desperation. “No. Promise me, Mina. Tell me you won’t die for me.”

The only thing at my eye-level was his hair, but I still looked away.

“The man who kills my clones says that?”

“Just… promise me.”

“But why would I? Our promises mean nothing to you. You even hate our forever.”

“I… have a reason.”

“You always have reasons! Reasons I never know about.”

“Mina, I’m… sorry.” He finally lifted his head, but didn’t meet with my gaze. He took a step back, leaning completely against the iron door. “I’m so sorry.”

I raised my hand to stop him, but it was too late. He quickly entered the door, and I was left standing in the middle of the street.

I wanted to scream. Too confused that I just wanted to scream and tear my hair out. I knew there were many things we needed to confront, but this—this was too much to bear. I’d flattered myself that I saw the darkest parts of him, yet his erratic behavior and words left me reeling again.

What are you hiding from me? How can you still have things to hide?

I stood in front of the iron gates for a while, hoping that Raymond would give up and talk to me properly, but no one opened the door. Thoughts gnawed at my mind: every word, every movement replayed, but I still couldn’t fill in the gaps.

There was only one absolute truth. That was why I’d broken my vow not to come to Lesse after all these years.

I wouldn’t run away anymore.

I was about to cry, but this thought cheered me up. Raymond’s hatred for me, the prediction that he would strangle me the moment we met again, had come true. But I noticed something new about myself.

This wouldn’t stop me.