Page 153 of Everdoll

CHAPTER 5

Mina

I was right.

I knew there was nothing left of the gentle boy I had once left behind. I knew he would not hesitate to hold my weaknesses against me, and that when the magic was gone, he would look at me with nothing but hatred. And yet, the sorrowful look on his face last week had given me hope. I thought I had glimpsed a familiar longing in his eyes.

I was wrong.

Wiping away the tears trailing down my cheeks with the back of my hand, I opened my purse and took out a pack of cigarettes. I didn’t know what to do with this anger inside me. If only I had reached out to him sooner, if only I hadn’t stayed away from him all these years… The new Raymond was very foreign to me. I didn’t know how to deal with him.

Should I give up? Wouldn’t it be shameless to insist after what just happened? Chasing after the man who told me I was delusional didn’t sound very appealing, I had to admit it, but the fact that I still hadn’t managed to have a proper conversation with him was eating away at me.

After a while, I sensed footsteps, but I didn’t lift my head, kept my gaze on the street.

“I’m fine, Pris, just give me a minute…”

But the shadow looming over me wasn’t Prisne’s. The moment Raymond approached, I felt incredibly vulnerable. My mind screamed at me to stay still, but my legs were already itching to run. My heart, however, was a different story, still clawing for a fight.

He stopped beside me, but I remained indifferent. I knew that if I opened my mouth, I’d end up making a snide remark. I watched him from the corner of my eye as he pulled out a lighter, my cigarette still resting between my fingers. A moment later, he held it out toward me.

“Can I light it?”

I hesitated, then let out an annoyed, nervous laugh before handing it over.

He didn’t even glance at me, only lit it in silence, then leaned back against the wall. After a beat, I did the same, bringing the cigarette to my lips.

Don’t say it, don’t say it.

“You’d never let me touch these before. Now you’re lighting them yourself. Life is very interesting.”

I waited, not knowing what kind of reaction I would get. But Raymond didn’t move. A serious expression landed on his face.

“I only respect you.”

“Respect my what?”

“Your will, of course.”

I scowled as I blew the smoke out. This again?

“You used to say you wanted to destroy it. What changed now?”

“I was young and foolish. No one can destroy free will.”

“Is there such a thing anyway?” I turned to him, lifting my head. “I once thought it existed, but maybe it never did.”

“It exists, undoubtedly.” he replied firmly. His gaze swept over my face, lingered on my hair, and paused at the cigarette between my fingers. “You have the ability to make decisions like everyone else. I respect that.”

“Oh, then you wouldn’t have a problem with my delusions. After all, I can shape you into whatever I want of my own free will, right?”

When a sorrowful look settled into his eyes, I drew a deep breath, my words spilling out quick and fervent.

“You shouldn’t.” he murmured, never taking his eyes off me. His voice sounded wounded, as though he were moments away from breaking into sobs.

“Why?” I asked, matching his tone. “Because you loathe it?”

He slowly shook his head, his brows drawing together ever so slightly. “Like I said. For your own sake. I’m… not a good man, Mina.”