Page 125 of Everdoll

He would come after me to take revenge.

When I left the dollhouse we built together, I realized some things. A lot of things. Perhaps my memory had been erased by the traumas I’d experienced, but day by day, I remembered the thousands of things I’d done to him.

The time I hit him when Sigrid came to the house.

The time I locked him in the basement and punished him for smiling at someone else.

The time I choked and cut him when Eli died…

The thousands of times I slapped him, shoved him… Perhaps his sacrificial personality had helped erase all these memories, but now I was left alone with them.

Ignorance was truly bliss. Waking up from that sweet dream had cost me a lot.

Poor Remi lost himself trying to keep up with my endless wishes. My insatiable need to be loved, to be worshipped, to be chosen again and again had created his personality. I had delved into the depths of his psyche and poisoned him until nothing was left of him.

And he believed he was happy in this deception.

I began to fear Raymond. I wished I could die rather than ever see him again.

He was the only person in the whole world who saw the cruel, disgusting side of me.

He saw too much.

I knew I shouldn’t be ashamed of who I was, I loved myself now. It only bothered me there was a living soul who experienced my shameful past years. Like a ticking time bomb, he must be somewhere on Mars, waiting with all his might for my moment of weakness. When the time came, he would emerge from that labyrinth, realize the deception, and seek revenge on me.

I had forgiven myself, but what about him? Did he forgive me?

The girl who had only wounded him—perhaps the one he put up with for the sake of old memories?

But I missed him terribly, whether I wanted to or not.

I couldn’t stop this. I couldn’t give up this selfishness; my soul only craved him. Even when I tried to form relationships with others, I couldn’t feel anything. I had given my whole heart to him, and nothing left for anyone else.

After all, he was my everything. I had discovered every first with Raymond. Every feeling, every closeness, every part of myself I hadn’t known existed. And he had discovered them too, through me. Even knowing he was likely planning something, his silence frightened me more than any confrontation would have.

Because we would find each other again. We always did. Our souls had no language but each other. Hatred or love, it made no difference. We were tethered. He couldn’t have forgiven me. But he couldn’t still be wandering our labyrinth alone either. Then what was he doing?

Tell me Remi, what are you doing?

☾

Raymond

To tear her apart or lose her completely. Which madness would it be?

I was responsible for making a big decision. I stared at the ceiling, bringing the stupid powder I hadn’t touched in months back to my nose.

I missed the stars on the ceiling of that shitty room. That maddening scent. The softness of her body. Slow, warm breaths she took. The honeyed words that had poisoned my mind.

She might have thought we broke up, leaving him no choice. She might have assumed her Remi was a charming prince who would respect her decisions. But I was far from that. I only had to resolve the dilemma in my head before taking action.

Should I pretend to obey her like always, or should I shatter her until she forgot the existence of her agency?

I thought I never wanted to collect her broken pieces. I never wished Mina to turn into a shell. But she was far from being a shell. She looked at me with burning anger, even told me she felt a strong emotion for me: hatred. My love wasn’t some empty shell. She had chosen to leave me with her beautiful wild nature—with her enchanting free will.

I’ll destroy it. I’ll destroy her.

After that stupid conversation, I heard not a soul on the way to my room. I was sane enough to realize that if I encountered anyone, I would vent every ounce of my fury upon them.