Page 104 of Fair Ball

And I almost don’t hear her pained whimper with the music still playing in the background. I spin around on the bench to lean into my locker and plug my ear, attempting to focus on only her voice. “You okay? Is everyone okay?”

“Yeah, we’re fine.” There are voices in the background, some rustling, and then the sound of a door opening and closing. “Noah and I watched the game with Mom in her bed. She fell asleep in the fifth inning, and we didn’t want to wake her, so we stayed. I was just telling him to be quiet as he got ready for bed.”

“How is your mom?”

A few moments pass before she answers. After some creaking and then another door opening, her voice is clearer. “She’s all right. We’re dealing with it day by day.”

“Did you, uh, get my delivery?”

“I did. I… I wanted to call you, but…”

“It’s okay. I never expected you to. I only wanted to help you out however I could.”

“I know, and I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate it.”

I slice my hand through the air even if she can’t see it. “Never. I’d never think that.”

“I didn’t know what to say. You’re too generous.”

Closing my eyes, I remember the advice of my therapist. I’ll never get what I want if I don’t verbalize it. So I spit it out. “Come to my game. You’re my good luck charm, and I need you there. I’ll fly you out to Atlanta. Please, Millie, please come.”

It’s a while before she lets me down gently. “I can’t leave my mom, and Noah’s in school. I’m sorry.”

I didn’t expect her to say yes, but also, Millie wouldn’t want to hurt my feelings. I have to know if it’s really over or not. “You can’t, or you don’t want to?”

“I can’t,” she says without hesitation. “I hired a nurse to be with Mom while I’m at work, and I’m still new so⁠—”

“You got a job?”

“Yeah, it’s…” She sighs. “I don’t like it.”

I wipe the side of my fist over my mouth, biting back a smile. “What are you doing?”

“Working for an asshole accountant who thinks he’s super important, but the office has a big window so I can do some bird-watching. I hid a tiny bird feeder out front. At least it gives me something to do.”

“I love you,” I tell her unintentionally. But it’s true. I’m not saying it to win her back or guilt her into anything. I simply need her to know. “If you can’t come to the games, can we meet? To talk?”

I hold my breath, waiting until she answers. When she doesn’t, I offer, “I’ll come to you, wherever you are. We have the day off tomorrow before we fly to Atlanta. Even if it’s only for fifteen minutes.”

“I have an hour for lunch. I’ll meet you at Mario’s Pizza at twelve thirty. It’s on the corner of 24th and Fairmount.”

“I’ll be there,” I say at the same time a teammate calls my name.

“Yo, Ashwood, you coming?”

I hold my finger up to him as Millie says, “Guess you better go. I’m sure you have a party to get to.”

I don’t really want to, but… “Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

If it weren’t for the team celebration lasting well after midnight, I wouldn’t have anywhere to put all my nervous energy, and the only reason I actually fell asleep was because of the few drinks I had. Got me a solid five hours before my brain woke me up, preparing to meet the love of my life for lunch.

My therapist agreed to an impromptu phone call so we could discuss all the possible outcomes of this meeting: she listens to what I have to say and doesn’t care; she doesn’t listen to what I have to say and walks out; she stays, listens, and wants to get back with me—the hope.

I change three times before deciding Millie doesn’t care what I wear and stick with jeans and a T-shirt then throw up the bird at my bird for saying, “I’m a good bird!”

I pick up a bouquet of flowers on the way to Mario’s and arrive half an hour early. I wouldn’t be so bold as to order food for Millie, even if she does always eat the same five things. When eating pizza, she likes mushrooms on hers.

Slumping into a seat in the corner, I watch out the window, drumming my fingers on the table. Checking the time every five minutes.