Page 98 of Ashborne Phoenix

Because I would be lost without him.

The Chill of Distance

~ VOSKI ~

Three hours later my mother’s guards arrived to take Grace to prepare, and even though I’d known it was coming, I would have lost my mind. I was left with no choice but to shut down every thought, every emotion, everything. As they escorted Grace out of the suite, and deeper into the castle, she looked so small compared to the three men around her. And though they didn’t touch her, my skin pebbled with what would have been blistering rage if I’d allowed myself to feel anything.

Instead, I stared until they turned the corner in the corridor, then stepped back into the suite to pace.

I’d told Grace everything I could think of—what was expected of her, what they’d tell her to do, the rules—which were negligible. She understood, and she believed in me.

I should have been touched. Every time she stared at me with that certainty in her eyes, and the warmth rippling in the bond, I should have been buoyed. Humbled. Thrilled.

I felt nothing.

“I’ll find you,” I promised her, trying to let my voice drop, so she’d understand how deeply I meant the words. But even to myself, my tone was hollow.

“I know you will.”

I clawed a hand through my hair, knowing I should say something more, but it was Grace who spoke again.

“Just don’t shut me out.”

Didn’t she understand I already had?

I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t see another way through it. Even those moments when we’d finally been alone in these rooms and I’d let myself soften, every nerve ending in my body sizzled with alarm, and my senses shrieked.

I still had to follow her, remove her from the threat, and—God willing—take Breckon down on the way.

I couldn’t afford to be distracted, or consumed. Opening to the bond was like cutting my skin open to reveal the raw layers underneath. I would flinch at the slightest touch. I felt everything when I was in that state.

I would lose my mind.

I couldn’t afford to feel right now. I had to be practical and—

I cut off the memory and shook my head, walking to the sideboard, intending to pour a drink. But even that…

I stared at the bottle a moment, then turned away. I couldn’t afford the slightest distraction.

The hour between Grace’s leave-taking and when I could finally make my way out of the castle was excruciating.

I prayed. I considered. I examined everything I knew or had seen of Breckon and made a mental list of his weaknesses and vulnerabilities until I began the mental loop again.

But then, finally, it was time to move.

‘Are you near?’ I asked Kham. He was still smarting from the way I’d used him and the others, and the implication that I controlled their power with dark magik.

I understood why he was offended, but it was necessary.

‘Of course. And I will remain. But I am not concerned about your enemy. I fear you’ll defeat yourself.’

I almost rolled my eyes, but I was striding through the castle and couldn’t afford to present anything but strength and confidence to any errant glance from a servant who might feed information back to Breckon, or even one of the court who might have hidden to watch me pass.

The Cruors would already be gathering in the woods. Waiting to see who was victorious this night.

‘Voski, please… open yourself. You’re cold.’

‘I have no choice. I can’t let my judgment be marred by feelings.’