Page 23 of Ashborne Phoenix

“So, I asked Cali to tell me the truth. About all of it. And she did.” His jaw flexed. “All of it was true. She’d known all along. But she swore she loved me—and always had. It was so much bullshit, it made me sick. And when she tried to tell me how sex with the other men didn’t mean anything, I strangled her to stop her talking. And I almost killed her again.”

I went still, heart pounding.

This was why he’d been so afraid to give himself to me in the dragonbond. This was why he’d been so hesitant to let me into his desires. For a moment, the fear gripped me. But as his eyes snapped warily to mine and I felt him brace, waiting for me to reject him, I grieved.

I remembered every moment he gave himself. Every careful question. Every invested hour he trained—me, or others. Every tense retreat… because he didn’t trust himself.

But he should. I did. I could feel him in the bond—feel the rawness in his heart. The wounded child so afraid of rejection. The dark adolescent that had frightened him. They were there, but they weren’t him.

He wasn’t the man who had almost killed in rage. Not anymore. He’d been molded, and he’d fought. Now, his heart was good. But these things he described—

His eyes locked with mine again and all my thoughts stilled.

“While she was lying there crying, I looked at myself in the mirror and I couldn’t see anything that wasn’t black, or sick, or broken. I am tainted, Grace.”

“No, Voski—”

“I took a knife, a rope from the curtains, and a bottle of scotch, and I walked out of that house. I planned to go to the woods where I’d killed my father, but I was too much of a coward. I only made it to the trees just beyond the house,” he said with a bitter, hacking laugh. “As soon as I couldn’t see the house anymore, I sat under a tree and got drunk. I was about to slit my own wrists, when I realized I was too fucking scared to even hurt myself.

“I was such a coward, I begged God to take fucking mercy and smite me dead, and do you know what He did?”

I could barely see his face through the tears blurring my vision, but I shook my head. “What?”

“He sent Kham.”

I sucked in a breath. “That’s…”

A shudder rocked through Voski and I threw my arms around his shoulders again, hugging him as he mumbled into my ear. “All those months earlier, when I heard that voice… I will find you… Kham said he knew. He felt me. But didn’t know where I was. Had to wait. But the moment the Creator gave him the word, he came for me. He found me. He stopped me from hurting myself. But I fought, Grace. I fought. He held me and… changed me.

“It was months before I could stand to look in the mirror, look myself in the eye. And two years before I woke up and realized I had hope.” He sighed heavily. “I have a black soul, Grace,” he said hoarsely. “But I don’t want to.”

“No,” I said stoutly. “You don’t—”

“Can you really love… that?” he asked, his hands tight on my elbows as he leaned back to meet my eyes again. “I’m here, Grace. I’ll do anything. I’ll stick. I’ll remain. I’m trying so fucking hard to change—”

“Stop!” I hushed. I cupped his face and didn’t let him look away. “Stop. You’ve already proven that you aren’t that man anymore.”

“No, Grace, you don’t understand. He’s still in there. I can feel him.”

“I already love you, Voski. Because I can feel you, too. And that boy isn’t the man I know. I’m here. I won’t lie. And I’ll never leave. And…” Nerves fluttered in my chest, but it seemed important. “I’m not that girl. I haven’t betrayed you, and I won’t—do you know that?”

His eyes widened and his jaw went slack. “Of course,” he breathed. “I never thought—”

“So, we’re in this together. We can do it. We just need a plan.”

“Grace, are you listening? The things I’ve done are evil.”

I nodded and swallowed hard. “And it makes me sick—for you. I hope… I hope you can forgive yourself. But you’ve already done so much good. And now? Now we need to beat these pigs,” I whispered. I didn’t understand the flicker at the edges of his lips, as if he’d almost smiled. I pressed on. “Tell me their weaknesses. You must know. You’ve been in their secrets. You know them, and how they think. Tell me. We’ll figure it out together. We can beat them, Voski. I know we can.”

He huffed, and almost smiled again. “We can,” he croaked. “And I already know how.”

My brows shot up. “You do?”

He nodded, but his eyes shadowed again. “I’m the Heir Apparent, Grace. The Dominus mark is mine.” His smile was dry—and a little sick. “I just need to be who they all expect, and take it back. And then… then I can destroy them from within.”

A Good Plan

SOUNDTRACK: Whisper of a Dream by Holding Absence