Page 176 of Ashborne Phoenix

I sucked in a breath. Ronen rode a greenscale. But I often forgot the skill Ronen possessed as a healer, because his dragon, Ekko, held a very specific form of power. He could heal battle injuries, of course. But that wasn’t where they excelled.

Our squad captain and his dragon had always shown their greatest strength in dealing with the wounds of the mind. Which was, maybe, why I’d always avoided telling him my story. Because I knew he’d see.

I swallowed hard and tried to speak again. But the words wouldn’t form on my tongue.

Ronen frowned, then walked over to the door, peering through the window to make sure there was no one outside, then pushed the lock across.

“Your brothers are eager to see you and hear what’s happened,” he said quietly, as he walked back to me. “They aren’t going to push you—”

“They’ll push Grace, and she’s not ready.”

“I didn’t mention Grace,” he said firmly. I didn’t respond. That simmer in my chest was bubbling toward a boil. “I know two things, Voski: Grace was hurt—badly—and you almost lost her. Which means you almost lost your mate. Ekko tells me that would be as bad as losing your dragon. Worse, maybe. I couldn’t imagine how I’d feel if I’d faced that.” He came to a stop at my toes. “I haven’t been in your shoes, but me and Ekko have helped a lot of people. Healing is often as much about the mind and heart as the body—”

I flinched, shaking my head fast. “I don’t want to talk about this. That’s not why I came here,” I muttered, pressing past him to walk to the door. But Ronen stepped into my path so I drew up short, folding his arms, though he didn’t look aggressive.

“What if I make you?” he asked quietly.

I glowered at him. “I’ll get back to the squad. I will! I just need the solitude. I need space. Everything that’s happened—I just need time. But I can’t leave Grace right now. I really can’t—I don’t want to. But how am I supposed to help her if I’m falling apart? You’re a healer—don’t you ever feel like you don’t have what’s needed to help someone else? Because I do. I’ve been getting angry when there’s no reason to. I snapped at her today. She almost died a couple weeks ago, and I snapped at her, because she was trying to help me!”

Ronen didn’t even react, just nodded slowly. “It’s normal, Vos. We’re Furyknights. We’re used to fighting enemies. So, we feel like every obstacle is a fight.”

“I fight for her. Not against her—I know that!” I said fiercely. “I’m not angry at her. I almost lost her! I’m terrified of hurting her. I want to do everything. Take all of it, so she doesn’t have to deal with it. If I could, I would!”

“I believe you,” he said calmly. “I’m sure I’d feel the same way if I had a mate and she was hurt. But, I bet if I asked her, she’d say you have taken care of her.”

“Not like I should have,” I muttered, shaking my head and pushing past him again, because I needed to move, but I didn’t go to the door. Just paced back and forth in front of him.

“They almost got her, Ronen. And it was my fault. I almost got her killed.”

“You didn’t send Lord Breck-wad to her. You can’t blame yourself for—”

“No, you aren’t hearing me. I didn’t think. It didn’t even occur to me the risk I was putting her in.”

He frowned deeper. “When?”

“When I accepted the bond! I’d been so busy fighting it because I knew there was danger, when I finally gave in it was such a relief, I lost sight of everything else. I just… I didn’t even think.”

He put one hand up. “Hold up. I’m confused—you avoided the bond because of the danger in Fyrehold… then completed without thinking about it?”

“No, not that danger.”

“Then what?”

“The baby! A pregnancy! How my past would come for her—”

Ronen tipped his head. “I want to help, Vos. But you’ll need to back up.”

“I can’t. I can’t!”

“You can. This is me—you know I’ve got your back… don’t you?”

“This isn’t about having my back. There’s no fight. There’s no way to fight! We have to just… take it. How do you do that, Ronen? How do you just… accept it when it fucking hurts and there’s nothing you can do?”

I tried to pace past him again, but he caught my elbow. It was reflex to whirl, break his grip, snarl a curse and…

And we both froze.

Ronen stood, toe to toe with me, hands up to show me he wouldn’t touch. But his expression tight.