Page 101 of Play Room Actor

“Listen … I’m not entirely innocent in this. He did the coke because of me. He wanted to prove something to me. Do you think that’s why all of this happened?”

“You didn’t force him, did you?”

“No. If I hadn’t been so shocked, I would’ve stopped him.”

“Then don’t blame yourself.”

I thanked her, and we said our goodbyes.

My heart was still racing. From the moment I headed to the train station, during the ride, and even more so when I got off in Engelberg. The whole time, I kept replaying what had happened over the last few days in my mind, trying to understand how Kilian and I ended up in this chaotic mess, like two planes colliding.

This wasn’t normal anymore.

We both oscillated around a zero line, like two magnets drawn to each other, yet there was always some interference that kept us from getting serious.

If one thing became clear to me during the party at Livio’s, it was that Kilian was the one I wanted. I had gone there searching for lust, craving to have sex the whole weekend, trying to do it without drugs at first. But I wasn’t turned on. Nothing there could excite me or stir my desire.

Maybe I wasn’t as addicted to sex as I’d thought after I got out of the chemsex scene. Or maybe it really was Kilian—because as soon as he entered the room, my blood rushed down, and I got so hard that I still wondered how I hadn’t just taken him right there.

Could he even be topped by me?

With the help of Google Maps, I reached the Blue Bar shortly after 9. Inside, the space resembled a glacier cave. Blue light illuminated every corner. Kilian loved blue light, so it was no surprise that he was here.

Or at least, he should’ve been here.

The bar wasn’t too crowded yet, and I quickly scanned the people, but Kilian was nowhere to be found. I approached the bar and called over the bartender, who was working alongside a woman.

“Hey! Are you Oliver?”

“Yep!” replied a young man with short brown hair and a goatee.

“We spoke on the phone earlier. You were supposed to keep an eye on my friend.”

“Ah, yeah … he’s not here anymore.”

“What? Where is he?”

“In the hotel.” Oliver dropped the towel on the counter and gestured for me to follow. We went through a wooden door into the hotel lobby. “He nearly fell off the stool when we turned up the music, so I brought him here.”

We stopped at a dimly lit piano bar entrance, and Oliver pointed to a lounge in the corner. “Peter’s watching him.”

“Thanks. That was really nice of you.”

Oliver waved goodbye and went back to the Blue Bar. I spotted Kilian from a distance and was relieved to see him. He sat with one leg bent, his arm resting on the back of the chair, his head supported by his hand, listening to the soothing sounds of the piano. On the table next to him was a glass of water.

Although it was still light outside, the ambiance felt as though it was already midnight. The subtle lighting created a cozy atmosphere, with only two other tables occupied. An older couple was enjoying cocktails and chatting quietly, while in the back, two young Asian women were having fun taking selfies.

I walked over to Kilian, paused by the small coffee table, and froze. From a distance, he had seemed so peaceful, but now I saw the state he was actually in.

With his eyes wide open, he stared blankly ahead, breathing as if he had just run a marathon. Strands of greasy hair fell across his forehead, framing an unshaven face. Dark circles lingered under his eyes, accentuating their sunken appearance. His skin looked pale and drained of color, giving him the unsettling appearance of a zombie.

When he noticed me and slowly turned his head, I rushed over and sat next to him.

“Kil,” I said, setting down my backpack and searching for his gaze.

“You came,” he murmured in a weak voice. “Is it really you?”

“Of course. I’ve been worried.”