Page 102 of Play Room Actor

“I think I’m having a heart attack.” He clawed at his chest and grimaced. “My heart’s racing.”

“As long as it’s racing, it’s not a heart attack,” I reassured him.

Without warning, he moved closer and hugged me.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured into the crook of my neck. “I should’ve been honest with you.”

“I should have too,” I replied, caught off guard. It felt good to have him close, and I wrapped my arms around him. “I shouldn’t have hidden the chemsex parties from you.”

The sensation of his heavy breathing clinging to me was unnerving. He smelled like he hadn’t showered in days, and his clothes reeked of smoke.

“Do you have a room here?”

Kilian pulled away, took out his phone, and opened his credit card app. “No … doesn’t look like it.”

I frowned, confused. “Okay, then … wait here. I’ll get us one.”

Less than ten minutes later, we entered a double room. I hastily shut the thick curtains and turned on the light by the bed. Then I helped Kilian out of his dirty clothes and guided him into the bathtub.

“Have you slept at all these past few days?” I asked while helping him wash with soap.

“A little,” he replied. “But it was hard.”

“And eaten? Have you eaten anything?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay,” I said, though I knew nothing was really okay. But I didn’t want to make him feel like the world was upside down. He already knew that. As I massaged shampoo into his hair, he stared at me with lifeless eyes. He couldn’t manage to close them.

Finally, I rinsed the soap off, wrapped him in a fresh towel, and assisted him out of the tub.

“I talked to your sister,” I said as he slipped into clean boxers. “She said I should give you a Valium. It’ll calm you down. You need sleep, or you’ll really have a heart attack.”

Kilian sat on the bed and took the pill without protest. But instead of lying down, he stood up again and sought out my company. Just as I was setting the glass back on the nightstand, he wrapped his arms around my waist, pressed himself against me, and nestled his face in the curve of my neck. I felt his pounding heartbeat on my chest and hoped the medication would take effect soon. I held him and stroked his wet hair.

“We’ll get through this,” I whispered, guiding him to the bed. “Lie down.”

He obeyed reluctantly, not wanting to let go of me. I yanked off my pants and lay down beside him. Immediately, he snuggled against me, resting his head on my shoulder and holding me tight.

“Since Friday night, there’s been a blitzkrieg going on in my brain. At first, it felt like I was on drugs.”

“You were on drugs,” I reminded him.

“Oh, yeah?”

“What else do you remember?”

“Our last fuck?”

“And then?”

“No idea … I think I went to Montreux. At some point, I was up here in the glacier cave.”

“Let me guess,” I smirked, drawing him even closer. “You wanted to see the blue light?”

“A chasm opened up in my mind, swallowing everything. This monster that crawled out … it’s just insatiable.”

He kissed my neck and slid his hand under my T-shirt. When he slid it down into my pants, I tugged his hand away.