Page 121 of Never Not Friends

I rub my palms down my face. “I know it sounds bad.”

“Vinny.” She puts her hand on my shoulder but doesn’t say anything else.

So I talk instead.

“I’ve always been weird about marriage and commitment.” I glance down at the plate of food. “You know, because of Dad. I just don’t want to be like him. I remember how much he hurt you when he left. You barely got out of bed.” My fingers tighten into fists. “And after that, I promised myself I’d never do that to someone. I would never make promises and then one day decide to turn my back on them.” My voice goes shaky with emotion. “I wouldn’t leave someone like that. I’d be the man that stays.”

I’ve built my entire identity around that one word.

Stay.

Stay when things get hard.

Stay when you’re scared.

Stay even when you’re uncertain.

Because good men don’t leave.

Mom reaches across the counter and covers my hand with hers. “Vinny.”

I look at her, not even bothering to hide my tears.

“Staying isn’t what makes a good man.”

“But that’s my point. There’s no good reason to leave someone you love.”

“Sometimes there can be.” Her fingers squeeze mine. “You’ve decided, somewhere along the way, that leaving automatically makes someone bad, and staying automatically makes someone good. But that’s not how life works.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No.” She smiles softly. “Your father didn’t hurt me simply because he left. He hurt me because he gave up trying to love me. He stopped prioritizing our relationship. He stopped caring…years before he ever left.”

“I thought it was sudden.”

“It might’ve felt sudden to you, but to me, there were signs. Conversations we should’ve had. Realities we should’ve faced.”

“So do you wish he would’ve left sooner?”

“I wish he would’ve been honest with me sooner.”

My stomach falls because, for the last few weeks, Juliet has asked me if I’m excited, and I’ve said yes when I don’t mean it. She’s asked if I’m sure, and I’ve said yes, even when I’m not sure.

“But your father and I were married, Vinny. We had made vows. We had children. There were responsibilities and promises involved that you don’t have right now.”

I know where she’s going before she even says it.

“You haven’t made those vows yet.”

I feel sick. “So, what? I’m supposed to leave Juliet two days before our wedding?”

“I didn’t say that. But I am saying you should be honest with her about how you feel.”

“I told you, I love Juliet.”

“But if you walk down that aisle on Saturday, I want it to be because you want to marry her and you can’t live without her. Not because you’re terrified that calling off your wedding makes you look like your father.”

“So are you saying I shouldn’t go through with it?”